Humor : Women

3leggedturtle · Post by **3leggedturtle** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:23 am

Why is it a lady will give you a talking to if the seat is left up and they will reason with you why they shouldn't have to check if its down . Yet if both lid and seat are down, a word is never said about having to raise the LID !

bdhold · Post by **bdhold** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:30 am

just don't go into a dark bathroom and sit down

mikld · Post by **mikld** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:32 am

If someone could answer that question, he would understand wemmen. But that ain't possible...

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:42 am

We need to start complaining about how they always leave the seat DOWN...

pwl44m · Post by **pwl44m** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:47 am

AJMD429 wrote:We need to start complaining about how they always leave the seat DOWN...

I have given that considerable thought lately and mentioned it on occasion. Suddenly it aint about equality.
Perry

piller · Post by **piller** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:02 am

If women even understood women it would be a miracle.

bdhold · Post by **bdhold** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:09 am

just a woman who wanted to understand herself would be a miracle, and a man who wants to understand women is always a mistake.

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:58 am

You should see a black light video of a toilet being flushed.....it sprays little Pelosi Vapors all over everything......Go ahead and leave it up if you want Pelosi all over your toothbrush

Pete44ru · Post by **Pete44ru** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 4:49 pm

3leggedturtle wrote:Why is it a lady will give you a talking to if the seat is left up and they will reason with you why they shouldn't have to check if its down . Yet if both lid and seat are down, a word is never said about having to raise the LID !

Well........................ One night, if you didn't bother to raise the lid, she might see your point. .

.

BlaineG wrote:
You should see a black light video of a toilet being flushed.....it sprays little Pelosi Vapors all over everything......Go ahead and leave it up if you want Pelosi all over your toothbrush.

? ? ? My cat's been OK, after I bathe it in there - but maybe it's because I flush 3x after closing the lid over the cat.

.

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 4:50 pm

Even if women came with instruction manuals we wouldn't read 'em.

CAUSE WE'RE MEN, WE DON'T READ INSTRUCTIONS!

Eye-Bite! · Post by **Eye-Bite!** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 4:52 pm

Women (Mostly) train us to lift the seat..... then they spend a life time undoing their own teachings!

hayabusa · Post by **hayabusa** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:50 pm

Pete44ru, you are my kind of guy ( like minded )!

? ? ? My cat's been OK, after I bathe it in there - but maybe it's because I flush 3x after closing the lid over the cat.

busa

KiwiKev · Post by **KiwiKev** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:37 am

I have a self closing toilet seat. I put it up and magically 5 minutes later down it comes ever so slowly. Wife happy.

Washita · Post by **Washita** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:44 am

I've never understood why women put such a premium on putting the seat down. Believe me--if I stood a chance of sitting down on a john with the seat up I'd always check it myself! No way I'd leave that up to somebody else!

El Chivo · Post by **El Chivo** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:43 pm

take it out and put in a urinal.

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:53 pm

El Chivo wrote:take it out and put in a urinal.

Had a Female Soldier in the Barracks that turned the urinal in her room into a flower box....

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:54 pm

El Chivo wrote:take it out and put in a urinal.

Or live in the country and have a balcony...

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:58 pm

AJMD429 wrote:
El Chivo wrote:take it out and put in a urinal.
Or live in the country and have a balcony...

I'm convinced that's one reason Ladies are cranky....they are jealous they can't just pee anyplace they want to.....(Side Note: In Washington, it's ok to pee outside your rig by the side of the road as long as you are "careful" and not showing anybody yer stuff.....

bdhold · Post by **bdhold** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:22 pm

SOMEBODY'S COMING...

3leggedturtle · Post by **3leggedturtle** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:33 pm

bulldog1935 wrote:SOMEBODY'S COMING...

Aint that the truth. No one around for miles and as soon as you stop to check tires; 20 cars are coming from both directions.

KiwiKev · Post by **KiwiKev** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:00 pm

Apparently it is still the law here that you can urinate on the back left wheel of your wagon so approaching wagons can't see you. Anyway I would not pee in the middle of town!

How to solve this problem! Buy her a "shewee" for her wedding anniversary gift. "Now we are the same" Then chastise her for spilling on the floor!

jeepnik · Post by **jeepnik** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 6:11 pm

AJMD429 wrote:We need to start complaining about how they always leave the seat DOWN...

A week or so ago, I was out in a natural gas field. In one of the units (they have unisex restrooms) above the toilet was a sign that said "Raise seat when done". The males outnumber the females by quite a few, and I guess someone was tired of having to raise the seat. I wonder if it will still be there next Tuesday, or if management has threatened to fire all the male employees for being "insensitive".

Old Ironsights · Post by **Old Ironsights** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:14 am

bulldog1935 wrote:just don't go into a dark bathroom and sit down

Why not?

In the days of One Hole'rs if you didn't take a lantern and look under the Lid you might just get a Bite in an inappropriate place.

That the wimmins of today are so pathetic that they can't look before they sit is just a testament to why this country is going straight down the crapper and needs a Re-Boot...

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:40 am

Once they attain the majority in any legislature, LOOKOUT...!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/1 ... 90572.html

gundownunder · Post by **gundownunder** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:24 pm

Round here the guys outnumber the girls two to one so we have re-educated my missus by sheer weight of numbers.

I've heard that in London a pregnant woman can demand the use of a coppers helmet if she needs to pee.
Don't know if it's urban myth or not, but it explains why bobbys always look so sour

Sixgun · Post by **Sixgun** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:47 pm

Let her have the toilet to herself and just keep a brown paper bag in your pocket. When your done, just take a drive and wing it on the neighbors lawn.

I once knew a trucker who swore to me that's what he did when he was in a hurry to make a delivery. He told me he would #2 in a bag, while driving and shifting 16 gears, then just open the window and let her go, often saving the bag for future use.

(I just know someone is laughing out there and showing these words to someone in the household, but its true, as he told me)

While camping, we always keep a Gatorade bottle in the sleeping bag, but only for #1's.

Hey! What do you think the Indians did in their Teepees if it was 10 below zero outside

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:26 pm

Sixgun wrote:Hey! What do you think the Indians did in their Teepees if it was 10 below zero outside

Neighbor guy was a true 'hillbilly' when I was a kid, and burnt #2 in his wood-stove. He lived in a 16 foot aluminum pull-behind trailer, with an electric freezer outside under a tarp, and one light bulb and a 6" B&W television inside. Cooked on a coal-stove he installed in the tiny living-room, and burned wood (& #2) in it for heat as well. Used a propane camp-stove or outside fire in the summer.

FWiedner · Post by **FWiedner** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:44 pm

So, because she apparently refuses to accept the personal responsibility of investigating the condition of the landing pad where she wants to put her big 'fundament' before she cuts off the hover engine, she blames you if there's a water landing instead verus a stable docking platform.

There's hell to pay because you didn't leave it ready for her next landing after your last use of the facility. However, her failure to prep for your next visit isn't even an alternate issue on this year's agenda.

Working theory: It ain't about the lid. It's about the control.

It's a part of the age-old struggle for dominance.

El Chivo · Post by **El Chivo** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:31 pm

often saving the bag for future use

Now that's a cheapskate.

GonnePhishin · Post by **GonnePhishin** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:39 am

Answer is simple: Just pee in the toilet with the seat down and don't worry about it

Sixgun · Post by **Sixgun** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 4:19 pm

UncleBuck wrote:Answer is simple: Just pee in the toilet with the seat down and don't worry about it

That reminded me of a story back in the mid-seventies and by Lordy, its the truth. It was deer season and a mess of us were camping/hunting upstate and we had this toilet seat that we positioned over a hole and some old blocks holding it up.

Anyway, being young and all, we were never without a beer and usually about 6-10 of those beers were already in us.

Come around 11 at night, one of the guys decides he needs to take a #2 with the temperature about 20 degrees outside. So, this guy runs out, drops his pants and goes real fast, don't think he used toilet paper, and comes flying back in the tent.

The next morning, another guy goes out to use our toilet and there's this big humongus turd right on the back of the seat...................nasty..nasty......nasty..............From there on, to about the year 2,000 (never saw him after that--he was a decorated and majorly wounded VN vet and prone to drug/alcohol issues) his nickname was sh***y-az*.

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Mon Jul 01, 2013 5:39 pm

FWiedner wrote:So, because she apparently refuses to accept the personal responsibility of investigating the condition of the landing pad where she wants to put her big 'fundament' before she cuts off the hover engine, she blames you if there's a water landing instead verus a stable docking platform.

Great description...!

1894c · Post by **1894c** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 1:16 am

now this thread is both interesting and disturbing at the same time...women, toilet seats, and peeing outside behind a truck tire...somewhere there's a federal grant to help fund the discovery of these deep truths... :)

1894c · Post by **1894c** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 1:19 am

FWiedner wrote:
So, because she apparently refuses to accept the personal responsibility of investigating the condition of the landing pad where she wants to put her big 'fundament' before she cuts off the hover engine, she blames you if there's a water landing instead verus a stable docking platform.

that's the funniest thing I've read in a long time...made my day... :)

bdhold · Post by **bdhold** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:35 am

complaining to women is always a mistake. Whatever it was, you will forget it by tonight. The complaint, however, along with every other, will haunt you every time she thinks she has a complaint.
is this thing on?

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:28 pm

KiwiKev wrote:I have a self closing toilet seat. I put it up and magically 5 minutes later down it comes ever so slowly. Wife happy.

Me too - and Mrs YK loves it as well.

Retro · Post by **Retro** » Thu Jul 25, 2013 3:45 pm

Sixgun wrote:Hey! What do you think the Indians did in their Teepees if it was 10 below zero outside

I have no idea but I'm glad they didn't call it a Teepoo...

jeepnik · Post by **jeepnik** » Thu Jul 25, 2013 4:41 pm

30wcf wrote:now this thread is both interesting and disturbing at the same time...women, toilet seats, and peeing outside behind a truck tire...somewhere there's a federal grant to help fund the discovery of these deep truths...

You have no idea just how close to the truth you are.

On a nearby island a bird specialist noticed some female gulls hanging with other female gulls during mating season. Now lesbian gulls must be investigated, so they applied for and got a grant. A few years later they reached a startling discovery. The females weren't lesbians. There simply weren't enough males to go around, and gulls being social critters, the extra females just hung out together. Your tax dollars at work.

Thunder50 · Post by **Thunder50** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 10:23 am

Just tell the significant other that you will just leave the seat down all the time. And, that if you have to #1, then you will just use the bathroom sink!!!

Told the wife that one time in jest, she did NOT find any humor in that!!!!! Was kind of "frosty" in the house that evening

mikld · Post by **mikld** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 10:25 am

One night, sprinkle a little water on the seat. When she yells at you for missing just tell her "well you told me to leave the seat down...."

Pete44ru · Post by **Pete44ru** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 11:04 am

BlaineG wrote:
Side Note: In Washington, it's ok to pee outside your rig by the side of the road as long as you are "careful" and not showing anybody yer stuff.....

I was doing just that (several years ago) in my state, when a State Trooper pulled up. .

He gave me a ticket for indecent exposure, that cost me $100 ! ($10/inch .

)

.

tom deinek · Post by **tom deinek** » Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:16 pm

Three pages of comments about toilets.

Awesome.

765x53 · Post by **765x53** » Fri Sep 06, 2013 11:51 pm

BlaineG wrote:
AJMD429 wrote:
El Chivo wrote:take it out and put in a urinal.
Or live in the country and have a balcony...
I'm convinced that's one reason Ladies are cranky....they are jealous they can't just pee anyplace they want to.....(Side Note: In Washington, it's ok to pee outside your rig by the side of the road as long as you are "careful" and not showing anybody yer stuff.....

Women could pee anyplace they want, if they didn't dress like men.