HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
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- Ysabel Kid
- Moderator
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HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Just to try to help all your fellas out...
The Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy!
Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system
Simple Duties:
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You go out to buy her what she wants +5
in the rain +8
But return with Beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night +1
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with iron rod +10
It's her pet -20
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school
friend -2
Named Tina -10
Tina is a dancer -20
Tina has silicone implants -80
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner +2
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +3
Okay, it's a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team -10
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie +1
You take her to a movie she likes +3
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called 'Death Cop' -3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -8,000
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
Any other response -20
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +500
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -4,000
The Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy!
Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system
Simple Duties:
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You go out to buy her what she wants +5
in the rain +8
But return with Beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night +1
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with iron rod +10
It's her pet -20
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school
friend -2
Named Tina -10
Tina is a dancer -20
Tina has silicone implants -80
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner +2
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +3
Okay, it's a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team -10
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie +1
You take her to a movie she likes +3
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called 'Death Cop' -3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -8,000
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
Any other response -20
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +500
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -4,000
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- Levergunner
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:18 am
Re: OT - Humor - The Female Demerit System
HAHA I like that I think I'm in the-400,000,000,000 with my wife
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- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 4923
- Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2007 1:08 am
- Location: Arizona headed for New Mexico
Re: OT - Humor - The Female Demerit System
I think I just figured out why I am still single
Re: OT - Humor - The Female Demerit System
Trust me....just TELL your woman what she likes....they like that firm approach That reminds me, don't waste money on a wrist watch for your woman as the one on the stove should be enough.
The Rotten Fruit Always Hits The Ground First
Proud Life Member Of:
NRA
Second Amendment Foundation
Citizens Committee For The Right To Keep And Bear Arms
DAV
Proud Life Member Of:
NRA
Second Amendment Foundation
Citizens Committee For The Right To Keep And Bear Arms
DAV
- Borregos
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 4756
- Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:40 am
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Re: OT - Humor - The Female Demerit System
Thanks for the help YK
Pete
Sometimes I wonder if it is worthwhile gnawing through the leather straps to get up in the morning..................
Sometimes I wonder if it is worthwhile gnawing through the leather straps to get up in the morning..................
Re: OT - Humor - The Female Demerit System
I lost about a thousand points this morning in about 5 minutes, I told my wife I would go and figure out what I did wrong. I came to your post sent it to her, with the caption "I get it now." and everything is better now. I think Thanks, YK.
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm in negetive territory and will likely stay there.
NRA Life Member
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Just when I thought there might be some hope for me.
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Never been positive in 37 years. Oh, and Blaine, you never need to get them a wrist watch because they're going to be late anyway, so it's a waste of money.
Being late somewhere = -100
Telling her you're going to be late if you don't leave now = -1000
Arriving late and telling her you would have been on time if you had left when you told her you should = -1,000,000,000
The last is the reason I've never been ahead. Missed the plane on our honeymoon by "that" much.
Being late somewhere = -100
Telling her you're going to be late if you don't leave now = -1000
Arriving late and telling her you would have been on time if you had left when you told her you should = -1,000,000,000
The last is the reason I've never been ahead. Missed the plane on our honeymoon by "that" much.
Jeepnik AKA "Old Eyes"
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Well look at it this way... if you're already sleeping on the couch you can't lose any more points.
If you're gonna be stupid ya gotta be tough-
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
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- Levergunner 2.0
- Posts: 408
- Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:11 am
- Location: AUSTRALIA
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Are you talking about your wife or mine, Hmmmm must be sisters !!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Any man who cares what a woman thinks is wasting valuable time.
Government office attracts the power-mad, yet it's people who just want to be left alone to live life on their own terms who are considered dangerous.
History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
i dont score well vbg
Mike Johnson,
"Only those who will risk going too far, can possibly find out how far one can go." T.S. Eliot
"Only those who will risk going too far, can possibly find out how far one can go." T.S. Eliot
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Must be singleFWiedner wrote:Any man who cares what a woman thinks is wasting valuable time.
Jeepnik AKA "Old Eyes"
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
I like sleeping on the couch-it's well worn in ,doesn't snore or get up a odd hours of the night!My wife recently told me I should have married a women from a third world country who would do my bidding........hmmm!
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- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 4923
- Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2007 1:08 am
- Location: Arizona headed for New Mexico
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
The concept has merits.
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Welllll, in the interest of my continued good health, I think it behooves me to at least act like I care...FWiedner wrote:Any man who cares what a woman thinks is wasting valuable time.
Have you hugged your rifle today?
- AJMD429
- Posting leader...
- Posts: 32800
- Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2007 10:03 am
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Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
I may get lots of demerits, but I ALWAYS try to get in the last word when we argue about anything . . . of course the 'last word' is "yes, Dear..."
Doctors for Sensible Gun Laws
"first do no harm" - gun control LAWS lead to far more deaths than 'easy access' ever could.
Want REAL change? . . . . . "Boortz/Nugent in 2012 . . . ! "
"first do no harm" - gun control LAWS lead to far more deaths than 'easy access' ever could.
Want REAL change? . . . . . "Boortz/Nugent in 2012 . . . ! "
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
I scored big time this week.....
but tomorrow....it shooting, hunting and more shooting
till the 5th...i should be back in negative territory in no time!
but tomorrow....it shooting, hunting and more shooting
till the 5th...i should be back in negative territory in no time!
LETS GO SHOOT'N BOYS
- Jacko
- Levergunner 2.0
- Posts: 195
- Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2008 12:33 am
- Location: Morayfield Qld Australia
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Imagine living in my house - a wife that cryed when we saw White Fang cause the poor puppy got hurt , 2 apprentice women - 10 and 13 with the Bambi syndrome real bad , a female cat that I did not want and a female parrot thats more in love with me than all the other females put together . Oh and a man hating mother in law !
And worst of all my Man Cave has she who must be obeyed's scrap booking stuff bulging out my archery and gun stuff cupboard and a floral table cloth under my Port barrel .
No point in concerning myself with demerit's - I'm never in the good books
regards Jacko
And worst of all my Man Cave has she who must be obeyed's scrap booking stuff bulging out my archery and gun stuff cupboard and a floral table cloth under my Port barrel .
No point in concerning myself with demerit's - I'm never in the good books
regards Jacko
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
I showed this to my wife, she said that she was glad that I finally understand how this system works. I said lets forget about all the negative points I have built up over the years.
She thought that was a good idea.
Before she left the room she looked at me and said "do I look fat".
I was at -15 in less than 30 seconds!!
She thought that was a good idea.
Before she left the room she looked at me and said "do I look fat".
I was at -15 in less than 30 seconds!!
Life has a way of making the foreseeable that which never happens... and the unforeseeable that which your life becomes.
- Ysabel Kid
- Moderator
- Posts: 28220
- Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:10 pm
- Location: South Carolina, USA
- Contact:
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
Jacko, my man, you need to put your foot down somewhere! I resigned myself to having little to no input in the decoration of the house. I am labor; she is management in this department. I did claim a couple rooms though where she has no input. The garage, of course, is one. My office is another. And the basement is now a third, though when we finish it I will be consigned to one room again - my reloading room.Jacko wrote:Imagine living in my house - a wife that cryed when we saw White Fang cause the poor puppy got hurt , 2 apprentice women - 10 and 13 with the Bambi syndrome real bad , a female cat that I did not want and a female parrot thats more in love with me than all the other females put together . Oh and a man hating mother in law !
And worst of all my Man Cave has she who must be obeyed's scrap booking stuff bulging out my archery and gun stuff cupboard and a floral table cloth under my Port barrel .
No point in concerning myself with demerit's - I'm never in the good books
regards Jacko
I used to tell her that the only time I wanted to see her in my "man space" was wearing nothing but a smile. Ah, that was many years ago...
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
YK. While you may think you have "two" rooms. You wife is just waiting for an excuse to move out into the garage. Once upon a time, I had an entire bedroom dedicated to my HO trains. Sadly, I'm now down to just a small layout in the garage. There sneaky, they'll have a really good excuse, but as you get older, your territory will get smaller.
Jeepnik AKA "Old Eyes"
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
"Go low, go slow and preferably in the dark" The old Sarge (he was maybe 24.
"Freedom is never more that a generation from extinction" Ronald Reagan
"Every man should have at least one good rifle and know how to use it" Dad
-
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 4559
- Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2007 1:52 pm
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
For Jacko - cryin' on the outside, laughin' like a mad man on the inside!Jacko wrote:Imagine living in my house - a wife that cryed when we saw White Fang cause the poor puppy got hurt , 2 apprentice women - 10 and 13 with the Bambi syndrome real bad , a female cat that I did not want and a female parrot thats more in love with me than all the other females put together . Oh and a man hating mother in law !
And worst of all my Man Cave has she who must be obeyed's scrap booking stuff bulging out my archery and gun stuff cupboard and a floral table cloth under my Port barrel .
No point in concerning myself with demerit's - I'm never in the good books
regards Jacko
For the rest, starting with The Kid - laughed and laughed - thanks for the great humor!
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- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 5670
- Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:13 pm
- Location: DeeDee Snavely's Used Guns and Weapons
Re: HUMOR - The Female Demerit System
I'm so far in the hole, it's like buying at the company store...
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at