For you guys from Down South... ;-)

[AJMD429]

Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

***
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

[Ysabel Kid]

HEY - where's South Carolina?!?

Love the Florida one...

[FWiedner]

That Texas thang is a true story...

[willygene]

Fw quit dumping your trash on the road dangit.

[Booger Bill]

A alabama trooper pulled over a guy and looked at his license. He told the guy, sez here you are suppose to wear glass`s. The guy said, "I have contacts". The trooper said I dont care who ya know, yer getting a ticket!

[Blaine]

HEY - where's South Carolina?!?

What has four eyes, four arms, four breasts, two belly buttons, four legs and two teeth??

Two women from South Carolina

[guido4198]

Darn near lost a keyboard...!!!!
Thanks for the chuckles..!!

[Rusty]

A south Fla deputy pulled over a carload of teenagers and walked up to the driver's window. The first thing he did was to hit the driver right between the eyes with his 5 cell mag lite. He then told the driver, son when I come up to your vehicle you are to have your driver's license ready for my inspection, do you understand me?
He then walked around to the passenger side of the car and hit that teenager right between the eyes and said son when I come up to the car you're ridding you are to have the vehicle registration ready for my inspection, do you understand me?
He then stepped to the rear window and hit that teenager right between the eyes and just stood there watching as the teen rubbed his head. Finally the teen asked what was that for? Then deputy said if I hadn't done that you wouldn't have gone two miles down the road till you'd have said to your buddies, I wish he'd hit me like that.

[Borregos]

Good to have a laugh first thing, thanks

[RIHMFIRE]

[bdhold]

thanks for the grins

[6pt-sika]

Watcha got when you have 30 women from West Virginia in the same room ?

A full set of teeth

[Old Ironsights]

...
Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

Actually... lots of folks retire to Alaska.

[Old No7]

Good intell............

Guess I'll be heading to Georgia, based on that list!

(Me and Old Savage too!!!)

Old No7

[rhead]

From Arkansas:

The local deputy approched a car parked on one of the local lovers lanes. The dome light was on. He shined his light into the car and saw a young man in the front seat reading a magazine. Looking in the back seat he saw a young lady applying nail polish.

"What are you doing out here?"
"I am reading this magazine sir."
"And what is she doing out here?"
"I believe she is doing her nails sir."
"How old are you?"
"Sir I am 20."
"And just how old is she?"
The young man glanced at his watch. "Sir she will be eighteen in eleven minutes."

[O.S.O.K.]

Another one from Mississippi:

Two rednecks were sitting on the porch enjoying a libation.
One motions to an old dog laying on the porch dutifuly cleaning itself and says "sure wish I could do that" and laughs.
The other looks at his buddy with concern and says "that dog'll bite you!"

[6pt-sika]

Not in the SOUTH !

Once there were a boy and a girl sitting in a car on the top floor of a parking garage in Manhatten !

They had started making out and as the boys hands wandered under the girls skirt she said "hunny kiss me wear it smells" .

So the boy sat up started the car left the parking garage and drove to New Jersey !