OT: Retirement

[olyinaz]

RETIRE WHERE? Here are some of the possible choices:

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn (if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole, but you probably call all of them "hot dish".
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Joe, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder", "over yonder", or "out yonder", and it's important to know the difference.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
5. If you're dissatisfied with the weather just wait a few minutes, it'll change.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You eat "dinner" at noon and "supper" at 6PM.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place (which is anywhere else) you say, "It was different!"

OR FINALLY

You can retire to Florida where.
1. It's almost like a place in the United States.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends...anywhere...ever.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[RIHMFIRE]

In Florida......its 5:00 all the time...especially in the Keys...
You can drive just about any direction and hit the beach....
You can see women on the beach, in bikinis,...in the middle of winter...
and We can drive on the beach...to meet women!
Theres always a blue hair special at some restuarant...so bring your doggy bag!
Having a fishing license IS the law....
We cut the grass the day before Christmas..

and No matter how much you complain....we dont care how you did it up north!

[gamekeeper]

I'll take Phoenix, at least I could drive to Bisbee!

[Ray Newman]

OlyinAz asked; "RETIRE WHERE? Here are some of the possible choices."

Two areas that most or many do not think about and/or prepare for are the states of good health and financial security....

[J Miller]

RETIRE WHERE? Here are some of the possible choices:

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
Oh yeah, shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
Yep
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
This is actually on the freeway too.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
Yum Yum, I'm hungry!
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
That's an understatement. More correct would be it's comparable to being down wind when a 747 takes off.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
Well, sorta, but the last part is really: YOU CAN HAVE MY SHADY PARKING SPACE IF YOU'LL ... JUST SHOOT ME!

<snip>

I don't plan to "retire" to AZ, but I'm sure goin back. I miss the scaly little denizens of the desert. The ones in Phoenix too.

Joe

[earlmck]

Now Oly, I just got back from a visit to your fine state, and I think you are just trying to keep folks from moving your direction. I escaped Phoenix in about an hour. Freeway was real crowded but the surrounding desert was not. Friendly fellers named Brock and George took me shooting at a fine gravel pit outside Fort Thomas, and let me burn quite a bit of their ammo. Temps in the mid 60's, when it was in the 30's here in Orygone. Stumbled into a really fine gun store in Clifton: woulda' bought a Marlin 308 ME but somebody already had it claimed. I might could winter down that way pretty happily!

Cousin Bill in Sierra Vista is acquiring his first centerfire rifle ('94 Winny). Hasn't shot a rifle since Army days (back in 'Nam era). He was afraid I'd look down on his baby 'cause it isn't pre '64 but I was able to assure him he had a fine one there. I'll bet next visit I get to burn a bunch of his ammo!

[olyinaz]

Now Oly, I just got back from a visit to your fine state, and I think you are just trying to keep folks from moving your direction.

"Shhhh!" (It was 72 deg. at the range today. Don't tell anyone.)

Oly

[Ysabel Kid]

Deep south. I don't want to ever leave!!!

[Pitchy]

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole, but you probably call all of them "hot dish".
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

UF-DA

[3leggedturtle]

Yeah but you Guys have to turn up the AC in order to snuggle with your sweetie. Here the logs popping in the wood stove makes'em move alot closer

[marlinman93]

You left one out!
You can retire in the Pacific NW.
Where it rains all the time, but it's not a cold rain. (well sometimes it's cold)
Where the ocean, the mountains, and the desert are all about the same drive time.
Where the year actually has 4 seasons, and most of them include rain!
Where the old folks all live near the coast!
Where most retirees leave to Arizona for the winter! (except me!)

[olyinaz]

Alright!!

OR

You can retire to the Pacific Northwest where...
1. The state flower is mildew.
2. Swimming is an indoor sport.
3. You rejoice at a forecast of “rain with sun breaks” because you know what a sun break is.
4. You use a down comforter and wear flannel pajamas in the summer.
5. The four seasons are: Raining, Still Raining, Road Construction, and Deer and Elk season.



Oly

[Derailed]

What's retirement???

I'll be turning 50 in a few months and look like I have another 20 years to go if I don't fall apart.

I'm sure the rules will change before then.

[marlinman93]

What's retirement? It's doing whatever you want, and not having a set time for anything! After just 4 months I'm so used to it I don't know how I ever got up and went to work all those years! If somebody asks me if I can be somewhere at a certain time my answer is usually, "Probably not."

[COSteve]

I didn't retire after 41½ years in the defense industry, I started a new career; I'm a 'Gentleman of Leisure'. And I hope to put in another 40 years in my new career too!

Past the humor of my post is a real message. If one looks at retirement as an end of something they miss the real opportunity of the time they have. I looked forward to retirement not as a end, but rather as a beginning of the time I got to choose what I would do not because of what it would earn, but rather what personal benefit I would derive from it.

[Washita]

"You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Joe, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder", "over yonder", or "out yonder", and it's important to know the difference.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. "Y'all is never singular. It's always plural (so is "allay'all".) The quickest way to tell in a movie or on TV when a character is faking a southern accent is--when they call one person "y'all."

Ever'thang else looks 'bout right, tho.

[awp101]

The quickest way to tell in a movie or on TV when a character is faking a southern accent is--when they call one person "y'all."

Not true! I refer to individuals as "y'all" on occasion. I often refer to myself as "we". Drives my wife nuts!

[olyinaz]

I had a roomie in the Army from Arkansas who, when he would ask me if something was mine, would say, "Is this y'all's?"

"Is this y'all's buffer spring or mine?"

"Is this y'all's JD or mine?"

His other favorite quip was, "Well, if it aint mine it must be urine." He thought that was funny as heck.

Cheers,
Oly

[Streetstar]

"He needed killin'" as a valid defense I love it! My mom's family is from Georgia and S. Carolina and i love 'em !

[adirondakjack]

RETIRE? Who among us will be able to retire except when the body refuses to go to work any more. How about simply MOVE to some place where the heating costs and taxes aren't more expensive than medical insurance, and some place NOT FL or CA. Having lived in both FL and CA, SC looks better all the time.

[olyinaz]

Arizona or New Mexico beckon.

Oly