Humor -- Santa Claus resignation

[alnitak]

Subject: Resignation

From: Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And
Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does
have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words
"Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus
and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally:

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus

[ceb]

I just read that to my wife, laughed so hard it took 5 minutes to get through it!

[RIHMFIRE]

[Ysabel Kid]

I see nothing wrong with any of this!

[pokey]

I see nothing wrong with any of this!

there was sumtin wrong?

[piller]

You mean that isn't the way it already is down here??? I thought Jeff Foxworthy was just a news commentater for the first couple of years that he was around, as he describes things so accurately. I then found out that real news commentaters are not very accurate.

p.s. that spelling of commentater is Southern approved as nobody here eats tators, they are taters.

[jackruff]

Hey, what about Alabama and Louisiana?

[Borregos]

[ab4ka]

Git 'R Done!

[Rusty]

I don't care what y'all say... the Easter Bunny told me Santa Claus is a hoax. that's my story and I'm stickin to it.