Send Lawyers, Guns and Money!

[2ndovc]

Warren Zevon's song has always been a favorite and has recently become somewhat fitting.

After 20 years, my wife decide this summer that she no longer wanted to be married.
She walked into the little office I have at home and handed me a stack of papers expecting me to sign them.
I asked why and one of the most cold hearted things I'd ever heard, was that she didn't want to take
care of me if (and that's IF), I get sick again.
After the shock of that statement wore off, I told her that I wouldn't be signing anything before my attorney looked at it.

After attempted negotiations at a resolution, we decide to split things evenly ( well mostly, I make a lot more than she does), but I wanted her to keep the house. I've tired of the neighborhood and this town that I've spent decades in. The biggest reason is her oldest and I have become really close and with his disabilities, he doesn't do well with changes. He's not very happy with his mother these days. I told him my new place is so big, he can pick his own room and come visit anytime he wants.
The new place is another project, but nowhere the mess the previous one was. It was built in the 1860s and quite solid with oak framing and a granite foundation. Not too unusual for that vintage and location.
I bought the place fairly cheap, most of the opposite side is missing the vinyl siding. The whole place is going to get redone and soon as my guy can squeeze me in. I'm not up for that high stuff anymore and that old antenna has go to go! The rest is mostly carpentry which I can handle easily and will make a good diversion.
Still packing and hauling stuff out. Furniture isn't getting moved until Thursday, so I'll have to make do with the folding stuff.

A few of the guys on here have an idea of what's been going on, but I find it kind of cathartic to write some of it down, please forgive the ramble.
So, after the lawyer looked everything over, I'll be leaving with my guns and money!

[1894cfan]

I, thankfully, have never gone through what you have, but saw what my parents went through and said NO THANK YOU! I feel for you and pray you get through this chapter of your life with few problems! BTW, nice house!

[barbarossa]

As long as you kept your guns and money I think you got the better part of the deal(wives can be replaced if one really wants to LOL)It s hard when someone you have been with for so long to comes and to you and says I don t want to be with you anymore but there is little to do in those s cases but to move on and live your own life as happy as you can.

[GunnyMack]

Sorry to hear this Jason. Hate to say this but it shows her character- making the commitment of ' for better or worse ' doesn't hold much weight anymore. A spouses health problems can certainly put stresses on a relationship. It's good you will still be there for the boy who obviously you care for and im sure he as well.
I kinda gave up when a ex tried to sue me for custody of MY dog!
New place looks like a great diversion !

[Griff]

Jason, I'm simply speechless. Glad to hear you're handling it well. Good luck in the new (to you) digs.

[gamekeeper]

Guns and money, I lost both first time I around but held on to both second time around, sad to hear your going through this but new beginnings often turn out better than you can ever imagine. Good luck Jason.

[Walt]

I sympathize, Jason. I have been through that trauma twice and it's the most painful and demeaning experience a guy can have. I wish you happiness and good health.

[AJMD429]

.
Wow, just wow. Sad that the meaning of 'honor' or 'committment' is somehow lost on so many folks the past couple generations. Probably always been that way I suppose though.

Glad you're getting through it ok.

[gcs]

I'm sorry your going through this, remember this if she becomes disabled and wants you back to take care of her!...

Unfortunately that attitude isn't rare, the local hardware store owner had gotten remarried, first wife decided she liked women better, anyway he got sick, one foot in the hole and the other on a banana peel, the new wife made him go up in the attic to take down the christmas decorations saying you'll probably be dead before I need them for Christmas....

[barbarossa]

Just get yourself a good dog and a parrot that way you ll have companionship and someone to talk to.Beats a wife most times

[OldWin]

What a pissah! Sorry to hear this got sprung on you. It's harder that way cause you have to "catch up". Better to find out now than when you really needed someone you could count on. I've been there. Little did I know the best years of my life were still ahead.
I like Zevon's song too. Glad you got a new place to start new in. It'll get better Jason. It sounds to me like you are pretty grounded. If you got your guns and money you're on your way!
Take it easy sir. There's a new chapter ahead of you.

[2ndovc]

Just get yourself a good dog and a parrot that way you ll have companionship and someone to talk to.Beats a wife most times

Thanks for the laugh!

I'm taking my two little buddies with me. Our Lab is more her dog and the Jack Russell is Quint's dog. I would never separate those two. She follows him around the house like a shadow. If he's not carrying her from room to room.
Once I get settled in, I'll get another Lab or hit the shelters. Probably the latter, they are all at capacity.

Appreciate the thoughts, Guys! I'm more disappointed than anything else now. It's the second time for both of us. One would think she'd
put in a little more effort to keep us together. On the other hand, I realized that I'm tired of being treated like an employee.

Jason

[wvfarrier]

There is a very fine line between love and hate. I came home one day to find my significant other had moved out and moved in with another guy. Leaving her two kids with me because she was tired of them.

[Bill in Oregon]

Jason, you shared this with me, but my heart still breaks for you, having been through this twice myself. Glad that it looks like you will be mostly whole when it is over.
I can't imagine a fine old home cheap that was built in the 1860s with OAK framing and a GRANITE foundation! It looks wonderful.
This business of husbands and wives or even significant others pledging to care for each other is very serious business, and it can become a huge burden. When I think of what Dad went through taking care of Mom for her 12-year battle with Alzheimer's, it makes me want to cry. I won't go into what it was like toward the end, but for the last few years when he would take her to a restaurant for dinner and patiently feed her, people around them would be unbelievably mean. It is hard to think charitably of such "specimens."
Sorry for rambling off topic, but it is really something when a guy and a gal can come together in the "fourth quarter," knowing that one or both will need the kind of love, care and patience that comes from the heart of God to take care of the other, to the end.
I hope you have another chance, Jason.

[44shooter]

At least she won’t be selling your guns again. Seriously I know it sucks. We get used to people even when it may not be ideal. Keep yourself busy and take care of yourself and you will be alright

[Ysabel Kid]

So, after the lawyer looked everything over, I'll be leaving with my guns and money!

I know it still stinks, but as others noted, keeping meaningful things is important. I have heard so many times where the women goes deliberately after those things just because she knows how much they mean to the man.

Hang in there brother!

[stretch]

Good Luck, man!

My divorce made a bar fight with the Hell's Angels look like
a cuddle with a couple of Teddy Bears.

Still, I got to keep my guns and my motorbikes, so it wasn't
all bad.......

-Stretch

[stretch]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giTi8KWSZl4

Oh, and Warren Zevon's last appearance on Letterman.

He was a smart, funny, talented guy.

This one is worth a look.

-Stretch

[Scott Tschirhart]

That’s really cold man! Cold!

You are probably better off. Sucks though.

[2ndovc]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giTi8KWSZl4

Oh, and Warren Zevon's last appearance on Letterman.

He was a smart, funny, talented guy.

This one is worth a look.

-Stretch

I remember watching that episode after hearing about the terminal cancer. The album "Excitable Boy" has always been a favorite. I know in the pre-digital age, I wore out a couple of copies.

Scott,
That pretty well sums it all up!

jb

[TedH]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. I been there, and know there are brighter days on the other side. Keep your chin up buddy.

[yooper2]

Very sorry to hear you're going through this. Been there myself and despite it being the easiest most congenial divorce I've ever heard of it was still a horrible experience I wouldn't wish on anybody. Good luck to you and yes, there'll be more time for hunting and shooting!

Eric

[Streetstar]

I see your one folding table in a dining room - and raise you another !

In my case, the dining room set and breakfast table were donated because they came from "her" and i didnt want them aorund anymore - not a 20 year marriage, but it still hurts nonetheless . However, a shorter tenure has not impeded her from attempting to take me to court for a number of things ! - Gotta love 'em

I think i'll try to make my own table when i get around to it --- until then, dining occurs standing up at the kitchen island -- could be worse






However, - gave me validation to get some of my taxidermy and some euro mounts from storage (she hated them ) and hang them in place of our cute couple's picture dioramas and things like that -- plus - being able to "Man-Cave" my living room has probably raised my testosterone 50 points! (so its up to 51 now)

[2ndovc]

Doug, that gave me a good chuckle!

Most of my stuff is getting picked up and delivered Thursday.
I don’t think the bimbo realized how much of the furniture was mine until she forced the issue to label everything.
Ninety percent of which are antiques. She’ll fill it back up with cheap junk.
A friend of mine owns a mitigation company and he’s sending out a crew to clean the place, especially the carpet on the second floor. Smells like cat! I’ll pull it all out eventually, but have more pressing things to do first. Gotta get a fence up for the dogs. Replace a couple of doors and get the place resided.
Lots to do, along with an overflow of claims to keep me busy for some time.

The whole thing sucks, but I’ll be fine. You never know what tomorrow could bring.

jb

[Bill in Oregon]

Jason, it is comforting to know you have your feet on the ground about this. There is indeed life after divorce.
If there is anything I could possibly do to help, ask.

[2ndovc]

Jason, it is comforting to know you have your feet on the ground about this. There is indeed life after divorce.
If there is anything I could possibly do to help, ask.

Thanks Bill!

A lot of you know what it's like. The first time I was far more emotional, feelings of abandonment, loss of what could have been, and extreme anger some days. It got so bad that I had to be sedated at times. It wouldn't have taken much for me to have put someone in the hospital, making the whole situation worse.
This time, like I stated earlier, I'm more dissapointed than anything else. Probably because I'm old enough to realize that life goes on. That and the ratio of attractive women far outnumbers guys that aren't weirdos!

jb

[Scott Tschirhart]

I think about my own situation with Miss Kathy. Yes, it would have been easier to simply walk away, but my number one priority is to make her life better. How does a man walk away from that? It actually gives me a purpose and that’s a gift from God.

[Bill in Oregon]

Scott, a decent human being doesn't walk away. Speaks volumes about your character.

[GunnyMack]

There's people and then there's PEOPLE.
When mom & dad first bought this house dad took it upon himself to 'watch over' the neighborhood. Cutting trees for the old folks down the street, plowing snow etc. I took on that roll and haven't looked back.
One of the neighbors lost her husband, kids moved away so I would check in on her. As her health started going I'd be there daily. Since she has gone another neighbor lost his wife and is getting on in years so I look after him as well since his kids are hours away. He is a grumpy ol curmudgeon but we get along and I'm sure my visits make him feel good.
With my dad gone, I still have my mom who's health isn't the best and she couldn't survive here by herself.
Call me old fashioned but I BELIEVE family comes first.
Jason, you have friends and family here- ya need anything just holler!

[6pt-sika]

I’ve been thru it twice ! First time about all we had to split were the bills . The second time was also pretty cut and dry . First one and I were pretty amicable after a couple years but #2 The Evil I’ve not spoken with since the day we parted almost twenty years ago . And neither time did either get a single collectible thing I possessed be it gun knife steam engine tractor etc .

[Scott Tschirhart]

https://youtu.be/F2HH7J-Sx80?si=Atbfr641V6ougB72

https://youtu.be/ja6KYwjfYfE?si=4hW2KWo8_xs4k2p8


Haven’t listened to this in years.

[Ysabel Kid]

I think about my own situation with Miss Kathy. Yes, it would have been easier to simply walk away, but my number one priority is to make her life better. How does a man walk away from that? It actually gives me a purpose and that’s a gift from God.

Beautifully said, Scott.

[2ndovc]

Agreed.

I hear stories like this all the time. It seems that a large portion of our generation feel that people and relationships are disposable. It doesn't make a lot of sense to be being children of the Boomers that seemed to me were in it for the long haul.

Most of my furniture was delivered Thursday. It was like watching a group of mental patients heard turtles, but a lot of that stuff is old, heavy oak and walnut.

I was going to work on the dog fence, but it got too darned hot, so I started to get at least one room more comfortable.

[Crazy Horse]

That was terrible what she told you. darn. I am sorry you had to go through this.

[2ndovc]

She's said even worse since. Some really heartless things, but at this point why bother arguing.

I just about have most of the kinks worked out at the new place. Getting the water going has been the biggest issue, but should be able to make the final move soon. It's always something though, especially with such an old house. Some of the new furniture wouldn't fit up the stair wells and I have to go pick out something different. New washer and dryer were delivered yesterday and the dryer wouldn't fit through the laundry room door! I have to take out the whole thing, jamb and all to get it in.
They just didn't think of these things in the 1860s. Can't imagine why.

jb

[Scott Tschirhart]

She's said even worse since. Some really heartless things, but at this point why bother arguing.


jb

It’s amazing how much words can cut a man. But when you decide to let go, they become empty sounds upon the wind.

I’m not sure how this works, but I know it does.

[2ndovc]

It does.

Now that she realizes that I really don't care what she has to say anymore, she has been more tolerable. Funny how that works.

jb

[OldWin]

She's said even worse since. Some really heartless things, but at this point why bother arguing.


jb

It’s amazing how much words can cut a man. But when you decide to let go, they become empty sounds upon the wind.

I’m not sure how this works, but I know it does.

This is very true. When it hits, it's one of the strangest feelings you can have. In my case, it was like instantly losing 125lbs . An incredible feeling of freedom and possibility.

Best of luck Jason. Sounds like you're pretty squared away.

[.45colt]

Late to this thread Jason, our ancient computer died and I haven't posted in a long while. with All Respect I Think She did You a big favor . I know several Guys that have gone through this mess and all are now on top of the world. Only one has re-married , the others Guard their freedom and are Happy and successful. nearly all of the ex-wives regret the decision they made once they got a taste of the single life today.
Your going to be fine ,go forward one day at a time. God Bless.

[Scott Tschirhart]

I might be the one who re-married. But in my case it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

[2ndovc]

That's a great picture, Scott!
The big smiles tell a lot about you both!

Jason

[Scott Tschirhart]

I’m blessed that way my friend

[Bill in Oregon]

Jason, you are blessed to have somehow turned pain into positive energy. Scott, you are both blessed.

[Streetstar]

Love the oversize moldings in the new (old) house ! --- I cant open the pic up to get better resolution , but please please tell me thats not acoustic texture from the 60's and 70's on the ceiling

[Paladin]

Sorry to hear about the divorce. I only went through one after a 26-year marriage. It was hard I made the divorce last a bit longer when I had her first lawyer put in federal prison for a couple of years but it was worth it. Sorry to say very common for the people I worked with.

[2ndovc]

Love the oversize moldings in the new (old) house ! --- I cant open the pic up to get better resolution , but please please tell me thats not acoustic texture from the 60's and 70's on the ceiling

That ceiling has been repaired/ replaced at one time. Unfortunately, some doofus textured it instead of a smooth finish. The only other room/ ceiling that's been altered is the Kitchen. Some architectural criminals actually hung a drop ceiling in there!
The kitchen is going to be one of the bigger $ projects. I have a friend that his son owns a custom cabinet shop and will make the walnut cabinets I want and to my layout, but that may be next year. I have to reside the place, there's about 5 sq missing off the northeast corners from one of the storms last year. The repairs never got done due to the previous owner's health and useless family members from what I've been told. One of the reasons I got them to take $30k off the asking price. A friend is going to have his crew hang the new siding, I just need to get it ordered.
Big fight for this weekend is going to be the plumbing. All the old cast was replaced with plastic and none of it makes any sense. Whoever put it together, spent more time sniffing the glue than putting any thought into what he was doing.

Thanks again guys, the support and letting me vent a bit is a big help.

Jason

[GunnyMack]

My bet is the texture ceiling is cuz they didn't want to tear down the plaster and lath- I don't blame them! However they should have just gone over it with 1/4 or 3/8 sheetrock.

We are going a kitchen sometime this month, I hope to snag a couple wall boxes for my garage provided they aren't junk.

People don't realize how much skill is involved to get plumbing right!

[6pt-sika]

New washer and dryer were delivered yesterday and the dryer wouldn't fit through the laundry room door! I have to take out the whole thing, jamb and all to get it in.
They just didn't think of these things in the 1860s. Can't imagine why.

jb

Reminds of when my grandfather on my father’s side passed in 1966 . My grandmother had him in the coffin brought to their home and kept him in the dining room instead of at the funeral home . Anyway to get the coffin in the house they had to take the window jam out to pass it thru from the front porch into the dining room . Strange the things one remembers when young as I was 5 at the time .

[Streetstar]

My bet is the texture ceiling is cuz they didn't want to tear down the plaster and lath- I don't blame them! However they should have just gone over it with 1/4 or 3/8 sheetrock.

We are going a kitchen sometime this month, I hope to snag a couple wall boxes for my garage provided they aren't junk.

People don't realize how much skill is involved to get plumbing right!

forgive the thread drift - but tricking out my new , but older appearing - house was a real project of mine that was fun and id love to restore a house like Jason's some day



I did an insurance claim for a newer house in Marin County CA -- at the time the house was only 5 or 6 years old - and this would have been in 2006 or 7

Whole house done in lath and smooth finish, tinted plaster (a real pale robins egg blue IIRC) --marble (not granite) for the counters and tons of other period looking details -- Jason and i are in related professions (Insurance claims) - and seeing a lot of houses like his new place with wood floors, big moldings and other neat touches -- really made me want to kit out my place in a manner that if anyone walked in it - they wouldnt be able to readily tell if it was built in 2015 , or 1935. Problem with Oklahoma is we didnt achieve statehood until 1907 -- old neighborhoods here are from the 60's. Ive looked at homes in Maryland that are over 200 years old

Although my colors and decor' are more Texas Hill Country style than traditional East Coast, i still went with wood and custom oversize moldings throughout - as well as sourced all the hardware from House of Antique Hardware ( https://www.houseofantiquehardware.com/ ... e/locksets )










Used oversize 6" dimensional moldings throughout that i had to have custom ripped (5 1/4" is what they now call a 6" molding and the extra 3/4" actually did make a difference ) - Craftsman style plinth blocks, rosettes and solid core doors
And since almost everything in Oklahoma and Texas is on slab foundations, - to use real 3/4" oak TG for the flooring, had to recess the slab an extra 2.5" to account for the layer of mastic vapor barrier and plywood that had to go down as a nailer to use a real floor on a slab - and bring it up to the height of 7/8" thick travertine marble and mortar bed to make a smooth floor transition surface without any transition strips. Although admittedly, that outside bullnose molding visible in that transition pic could be a bit tighter , but i can nit pick the thing all day

the stonework on the floor and backsplashes does kind of date the project a bit to this century - and due to financial concerns, i used a lesser grade of granite vs the marble i wanted to go with on countertops and window ledges -- and the light switches and dimmers also give up the real age of the place , but after awhile i had to stop and say "Do i ever want to get this place done or am i going to spend the next 5 years scrutinizing every detail" -- but the hammered copper sinks are another detail that is prevalent in a lot of Hill Country places - not so much in other areas that ive noticed





The fact that i only use cast iron or steel cookware is maybe a trait you guys can appreciate - i started living a throwback lifestyle about the time i started posting here 15 years ago




Most of the rest is Craftsmen inspired - with lots of straight edges, and simple, clean lines for railings, etc. -- I basically geeked out hard on it --- but what may disqualify me from a layout in Southern Living is the fact that my home decor' - besides the Euro mounts and other taxidermy - is also comprised of antique Honda mini bikes and old Velodrome racing bicycles ---- keep hoping the right woman will straighten me out one day and give the place a woman's touch though







Aaaand -- i suspect the dogs could care less as long as they get plenty of treats, blankets and gophers and field mice to chase outside - and an occasional scrambled egg or two cooked on the cast iron





But Jason's tale of the breakup this time really made me think of my recently separated ex and i am wondering if the fact that i nerd out so much on mechanical things and details, plus take pride in many things that most people i encounter think are trivial or not important. When folks have asked me about the floors and having to painstakingly recess the slab with some degree of precision so its seamless plus having to float every tile -- they just kind of glaze over and a good friend of mine even said -- "Why didnt you just use porcelain tile and engineered wood on the slab like everyone else and not have to mess with all that?"

My obsessive compulsiveness probably makes me hard to tolerate at times

[2ndovc]

Looking at your pictures, I just had to laugh. All I could hear was my mother’s voice. “Get that d—ed dirt bike out of my house!”.

I can just imagine what she would have to say to the Bimbo!

jb