10 Commandments for My Daughter's Potential Boyfriend

[AJMD429]

This Poster for sale on the Patriot Depot website is probably worth the $14.95, for those of you with daughters...

I. Thou shall understand that your presence doesn't make me happy. And know this: I've got a PI doing a background check on you at this moment.

II. Thou had better have a life. I have worked my butt off providing a good life for my daughter; therefore, you better have one, Spanky.

III. Thou shall not touch my daughter. If you do, I'll smash your hands and your mommy will have to help you get your Justin Bieber haircut.

IV. Thou shall look me in the eye and shake my hand like a man. And turn off your darn cell phone.

V. Thou shall understand that you are a boy talking to a man. Do not gush around me or attempt to read me an entry from your journal. I'm not Oprah. I am a Neanderthal.

VI. Thou shall know that our family is old school. Do not even think about approaching me with liberal, hippie, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree-humping bull stuff.

VII. Thou shall know that I like cool and expensive gifts. You'd be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did Baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh.

VIII. Thou shall understand that if you're dumb enough to tell me a dirty joke, I'm comfortable enough with kicking your butt.

IX. Thou shall keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, then I expect you to do it.

X. Thou shall memorize commandments I - IX. Yep, your best bet, home slice, is to both memorize and practice these commandments because I am Dad Almighty!

[Ysabel Kid]

I think Doug Giles wrote this version. You'd like his articles. EXTREMELY pro-gun. His daughter, Hannah, was part of the team that took down ACORN...

[Rusty]

You can always add a piece of advice when meeting HIM for the first time.

"You see that four wheel drive truck outside? If you screw up it's tough enough to haul your body waaaay out in the middle of no where."

[Ysabel Kid]

My FIL had three daughters. He often cleaned a shotgun when the boys came calling!

The second time I met him was when I went to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. This was only 4 months after I had met her (we've been married 22 years now ). I showed up, unannounced. He invited me in for dinner. We had a pleasant meal and conversation, and after dinner, I finally worked up the nerve to ask him the question.

"So, I bet you are wondering why I am here" I started.

He looked me square in the eye, leaned in a little bit, and responded. "Well, I figure you are here to either tell me something, or ask me something - and it better be ask me!".

Gulp!

Boy am I glad it was "ask"!!!

[Old Ironsights]

VII. Thou shall know that I like cool and expensive gifts. You'd be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did Baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Naaah. Ammo will do just fine... He's old enough to buy it and might actually be able to afford it... and take the hint...

[Bullard4075]

Another version:

Ten Simple Rules for
Dating My Daughter

Some thoughtful information for those who ARE daughters, WERE daughters, HAVE daughters, INTEND TO HAVE daughters, or INTEND TO DATE a daughter.

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[hightime]

My third daughter just moved out...........I'm done for. I used to have oppinions and spirit, not any more. I'm just the old man out back.

Owen

[AJMD429]

I love this place...

"So, I bet you are wondering why I am here" I started.

He looked me square in the eye, leaned in a little bit, and responded. "Well, I figure you are here to either tell me something, or ask me something - and it better be ask me!".

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

[Canuck Bob]

My FIL had three daughters. He often cleaned a shotgun when the boys came calling!

The second time I met him was when I went to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. This was only 4 months after I had met her (we've been married 22 years now ). I showed up, unannounced. He invited me in for dinner. We had a pleasant meal and conversation, and after dinner, I finally worked up the nerve to ask him the question.

"So, I bet you are wondering why I am here" I started.

He looked me square in the eye, leaned in a little bit, and responded. "Well, I figure you are here to either tell me something, or ask me something - and it better be ask me!".

Gulp!

Boy am I glad it was "ask"!!!

Priceless, already stored away for the dreaded day dating starts around here. My wife kids me I'll be chasing young punks in my wheel chair. I assured her a 12 gauge outruns everyone!

[Pete44ru]

My FIL had three daughters. He often cleaned a shotgun when the boys came calling!

Good on him ! I have two daughters, and I made sure that EVERY time one of mine brought home a fella, I had my 8-3/8" S&W Model 29 out on the kitchen table for a "cleaning". ( I mighta even pointed it at them while "cleaning" it )

After that, they didn't need any other "rules".

.

[AJMD429]

Any of you deer-hunters who do their own butchering might also want to consider leaving a rib-cage or two out where they can be seen.

• If the kid thinks they might be human ones, he'll be careful.
  
  If the kid actually believes you when you say they are old boyfriends, he's too stupid and will run away.
  
  If the kid says "What did that buck weigh; looks like maybe 150-160 pounds, right...?" then he just might be ok.

[JReed]

So glad I dont have daughters all boys here and that aint changing.

[AJMD429]

So glad I dont have daughters all boys here and that aint changing.

Maybe you should write a "Ten Commandments for my Son's Potential Girlfriend..."

[piller]

I taught Sighthunter to shoot, and let her take some pictures to school in her phone. Fortunately, Red Oak ISD is smart enough to see that pictures are not the real thing and the kids do not need to be suspended for them. All the boys at her school were scared of her. Pictures of a girl holding a 9mm Ruger P85 beside a target with the bullseye shot out seem to make some boys nervous, and for some reason, she was not interested in the boys who thought that was cool. I may have made it hard for her to find a boyfriend, but she is still in college, and still trying for a career, and still going to Church every Sunday. I am waiting on her to find a boyfriend at church. We go to a Cowboy Church, and the Pastor is tough enough to keep the young men in line. We also shoot skeet at 6PM on Sunday. This is a good place to see what the young men are like, and I have earned a reputation as someone who can quickly fix jams and such. That seems to get their attention. We had 2 young ladies out there last week, and they were treated as ladies. Plus, the Gentleman who runs it has stated that no dirty jokes or cursing will be tolerated, and has enforced it, is a big help.

If you have a young man who wants to date your Daughter, take the both of them to the range. If he can shoot and follow the range rules, and keep his focus on what he is doing, he might be a keeper.

[RIHMFIRE]

I came home one day and my daughter and her 2 best friends, twins...
and their...."boy friends" were in the kitchen.....
This was absolutely perfect timong on my part....
I had just spent the morning at the range and had a 44 mag in my shoulder
holster, my hunting rifle over the other, and a couple of levers too boot....
That was the last time I saw those little pencil necked geeks!

[Dave B]

RIMFIRE, Great story!!!

Dave B

[AJMD429]

If you have a young man who wants to date your Daughter, take the both of them to the range. If he can shoot and follow the range rules, and keep his focus on what he is doing, he might be a keeper.

Interesting point - but it's very true - how a person handles themself around firearms or when hunting is probably one of the single best indicators of their responsibility and intelligence and kindness, whether they are a 'newbie', or an experienced competitor or hunter.

[model55]

VI

[WCF3030]

I'll always convey to any perspective suitor the "rules, regulations and consequences". But I have also invested considerable time and effort preparing my daughter to be able to handle herself.


Full recoil with 2 3/4 00 and still keeping her eye on the target

Her Glock 17 group at 15ft

12ga and XD fun day

Grandpa's 94 gift.

[mohavesam]

My daughter loved going to proms during HS. I was the designated driver each and every time.

I have indeed, been found cleaning a gun when her suitor came to our home. I have been known to look into windows while she sat with a boy-friend studying. She came to expect it. I have also been known to walk out of the woods across from our home, while her suitor sat in the driveway. I have been known to politely tap on the driver's window and suggest he turn off his engine, and come inside. I've also insisted on buttoned shirts when dating my daughter or even picking her up. Because a gentlemen understands a shirt without a collar ... is really underwear.

And I believe in technology - I bought her a phone with activated GPS. 24-7.

I have a friend who once had a toe-to-toe with his daughter's caller. He has never been heard from since. I believe the body was hidden very well...

[Chris83716]

Please keep them coming. I have a 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son so I am taking notes.

Wife and I will have been married for 19 years next month and I was friends with her brother long before we ever dated. I was well known to her parents and was enlisted as slave labor for painting and yard projects several times over the years at their home. But as soon as we started dating, her Dad would always say something to her in Spanish as we were released from the Inquisition; assuming we had answered the where, when and with whom questions properly. I inquired a few times as to what he was saying and always got a blush and vague answer from the bride to be about it being how they say goodbye in Venezuela. Finally about two months after we had been married I asked the old man. He got a little red and roared with laughter. Turns out it was "Keep your knees together".

Chris

[flyfisher66048]

My daughter just turned 15. Groaannn!

My wife is a retired Army First Sargent, and has no sense of humor about this whole dating thing. If any boys make it past Mom, I have a few things that might prove to be fun to do in front of said boys:

Sharpen the Bowie - and shave the hair off his arm
Accidentally let the CCW pistol show
Clean the Social shotgun, AK, sniper rifle, and 1911 45
Pound the heavy bag out in the garage

[OJ]

Great thread and posts - - way back in the first half of the last century - we, as growing boys enamored by girls ( there were no "pills" then) took seriously the motto of a grocery store chain - Miller Supermarkets - with regard to their only then competition - "There is NO SAFEWAY".

[OJ]

I hope you'll excuse this incident this thread reminded me of - I grew up in the Nebraska Sandhills - way out in the country - so growing boys well knew any father of any girl they dated - plus our "sex education' was our cattle breeding system and we didn't need any warning - plus, we already intimidated by their fathers.

I had just finished the 10th grade when we moved to the city - where things were way different. A new female classmate asked me to take her to one of those "Daisy May" dances her girl's club put on - and, it was "formal" - whatever that meant - ?? We didn't have such in the country.

Fortunately, the day before the dance, I was having cokes at the drug store next to the flower shop and some of the guys were discussing what "corsages" they were getting their dates and I had to have that explained to me. As luck would have it, I went into the flower shop, got advice about gardenias - being in my price range and white - which would go OK with any color dress - and they delivered it to her signed as from "Jack".

Meanwhile, her father, being kind to a "hick from the sticks" had a white orchid delivered to her - signed as from "Jack" - I didn't find that out until later but that sweet girl - having the choice - decided the gardenia was really the one from me and wore it - leaving that orchid in the fridge - my introduction to the city.

I sure didn't need any intimidation from him to respect both him and his daughter.

[Ji in Hawaii]

Several years back when my kid sis brought her new boyfriend over to introduce to her family me, my dad, and my bro-in-law just happened to be at the range that afternoon, and in the evening when my sis brought her new beau over all 3 of us were cleaning our rifles in the living room. He looked pretty uncomfortable when he walked in but my bro-in-law being the cruel jokester quickly worked the bolt of his rifle and asked him "what are your intentions?" I think the beau pooped his pants.
He never forgot that night but also he became quite the shooting enthusiast afterwards. I wonder if it was for self-defense.

[Old Ironsights]

Any of you deer-hunters who do their own butchering might also want to consider leaving a rib-cage or two out where they can be seen.

• If the kid thinks they might be human ones, he'll be careful.
  
  If the kid actually believes you when you say they are old boyfriends, he's too stupid and will run away.
  
  If the kid says "What did that buck weigh; looks like maybe 150-160 pounds, right...?" then he just might be ok.

This is actually (from experience ) VERY effective.

We used to have problems at my old place with "kids" wandering through the back yard of our condo and the occasional break-in attempt.

One evening after hunting season I was butchering a whitetail on my screen porch and was down to just the ribcage when one of the local Homies be-boped through my back yard, on his cellphone while "just looking around" in the direction of the decks of the condo complex.

He saw me, in a bloody white apron, holding a cleaver & a ribcage... staring at him.

I think I was grinning...

Oddly enough, while other units continued to get broken into, mine never did.

Funny, that...

WCF3030

Good for you. I wish it were "legal" to give all of our young womenfolk a Keltec or LCP to keep handy as well as the proper training to use it appropriately...

[awp101]

He saw me, in a bloody white apron, holding a cleaver & a ribcage... staring at him.

I think I was grinning...

Mind games are such fun...

[mohavesam]

- reminded me of my son being born (second child).

Doctor popped him out, handed him over, wiped his hands and said, "well now you've got one of each. All my best wishes. But all I can tell you is no matter what you do, a daughter can grow up, make a mistake and change her life forever... but a son can grow up, make several mistakes and change several lives forever... Either way, you pay."

Doc had a strange sense of humor. But still, words to live by.

I used to be strong, cool, skinny, good looking and I had lots of my own money. Then I had kids.

[madman4570]

Good stuff Doc


If you raise em right(which I know you do) -------will be no issue
Though that first time you see em all cuddled up on couch about 11:30pm (just watching a movie)----kinda tough to swallow!
Gets easier though.

They will be choosy and select a good honest young man.

I thought the same thing.Then after about 2 days----- I knew she knew how to pick em.

Actually within a week I was siding with the boyfriend

Yep, it's all in how you raise your children! (they will not want to disappoint you guys)

Don't over meddle but meddle just enough!

[COSteve]

I found that when meeting my daughter's date, wiping down my AR always got their attention. Showing them my custom G20L while explaining how much I love my daughter always conveyed my desire that those young men who've dated my daughter maintain the proper respect for her, and me. She's 25 now and it worked every time.