OT coping with bad language.

Nath · Post by **Nath** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:08 pm

I have no wish to drag this upright place down and trust appropiate action will be taken should that happen but I have a problem and I wish to talk about it to good sorts like your good selves so it may help me.

I have at times a foul mouth, at work or in private. It is so much the norm now everywhere but it makes me feel bad after every time I have cussed.

Any tips on how to control a bad mouth any one?

Nath.

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:11 pm

If you pay me 1000 in British Sterling a day, I will follow you around with a large cricket bat......

Nath · Post by **Nath** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:16 pm

BlaineG wrote:If you pay me 1000 in British Sterling a day, I will follow you around with a large cricket bat......

It's a deal but I would prefer a "click" from a hammer, that should do it

N.

MrMurphy · Post by **MrMurphy** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:19 pm

Mental discipline.

I was a military policeman and I swear a lot more now than I did previously (I had quite a bit before......tapered off, then joined up and relearned all my old habits again).

When I concentrate and I know i'm in "polite company" it's not a big deal. Under stress or when i'm tired, or just being exceedingly blunt (as i'm known to be) they tend to slip out more.

J Miller · Post by **J Miller** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:29 pm

As MrMurphy said it's mental discipline. I cuss a lot less than I used to. But I've been unable to totally quit. I keep trying.
A friend of mine was just as bad as I was until he became a born again Christian and then he just ... quit. I was amazed as I wasn't able to.

We live in a time where polite conversation with proper grammar is almost dead. It's hard to have the mental discipline to speak properly and politely when we are surrounded by slobs.

Keep working at it, you'll conquer it eventually.
There is one incentive you might try, every time you slip stick a £ note in a rainy day fund.

Joe

nemhed · Post by **nemhed** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:34 pm

A long time ago I used to swear quite a bit and for the most part worked with guys that talked the same way. It becomes a habit, but habits can be broken. When I started having kids I decided there were some things I didn't want my kids see or hear and included in that list was me being drunk or cussing. I also looked around and saw that the people that cussed the most were the ones that had problems expressing themselves any other way or had a limited vocabulary. All that being said when I'm all alone and mad or frustrated, I still have a tendency to swear under my breath or "in my head". So I've still got things to work on. What bothers me today is how prevalent swearing is and a lot of people seem eager to drop the "f" bomb to give themselves some kind of credibility. I just know if my dad said dxxx it meant he was extremely upset and you best go run and hide. You can change your ways, Nath, I have great faith in you. You just have to want to change. Maybe your wife needs to apply the proper negative or positive reinforcement.

My wife says "most" men are dogs, anyway.

Nath · Post by **Nath** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:37 pm

MrMurphey is so correct with regard to stress and tiredness and thanks Joe.

As Nemhed just said I think a low confidence can play a part to, thanks fellers

Nath.

BwanaDave · Post by **BwanaDave** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:45 pm

Salty language can come back and bite you. It is known to lead to tickle fights and other deviant conduct and contact. Beware.

Bwana

Post by **Hobie** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:54 pm

I was in the army for over 27 years. I have heard or spoken just about every American English curse word and some in Korean, French and Chinese. I even know a couple of such signs for ASL. There is no need of using it. One doesn't always use adjectives why always cuss? Cussing is the great regret of my life. I make every attempt to avoid it now. Am I perfect? I doubt it. Mental discipline is it. Think before you speak. Break the habit.

papabear · Post by **papabear** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:56 pm

put on a E-Collier and have some one follow you around and each time you use fowl language they can shock you

jdad · Post by **jdad** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:20 pm

BlaineG wrote:If you pay me 1000 in British Sterling a day, I will follow you around with a large cricket bat......

............a simple solution, to a common problem. Just perfect.

msmith1228 · Post by **msmith1228** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:53 pm

I seldom swear or raise my voice. I save it for when I need it.

Mack

jnyork · Post by **jnyork** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:07 pm

Try thinking about it as a matter of pride that you are intelligent and articulate and grownup enough to be able to express yourself and get your point across without using foul language. It' s kinda like using positive reenforcement on yourself. Works.

JohndeFresno · Post by **JohndeFresno** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:11 pm

J Miller wrote:A friend of mine was just as bad as I was until he became a born again Christian and then he just ... quit. I was amazed...

Words have power. Words change things. "Sticks and stones...but names will never hurt me" is a nursery saying that is consummately untrue. Words can hurt or offend, or soothe, and they affect how others think of us.

I remember from my first aid training sessions that a person can literally die if you go up to a disaster victim and say, "Oh, man, what a mess you are - you're a goner!" But saying, "It's okay - we're taking care of you - you're doing fine" offers a much greater chance of their survivability.

I know of several people who changed almost overnight when they ended up in a place where they got down on their knees, admitted their faults, and looked to a higher authority to take the driver's wheel.

One deputy in particular I knew sounded to me like a complete idiot, because he literally could not not speak a sentence without inserting the f-bomb. Yet, he was a very likeable, team-oriented guy. Then he "got religion" and the cursing stopped completely. The next time I saw him he was praising the Lord and leading other deputies to the path he had found.

I humbly suggest that when one's mind is exposed to, and accepts the unbelievable love of a supernatural being, the anger and rancor behind the cursing just disappears. The meaning and import of curse words as spoken with one's tongue becomes unpalatable to the speaker - like a favorite dish that you got sick on, and now never want to eat again. It worked for me.

Nath · Post by **Nath** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:16 pm

JDF wrote, "I humbly suggest that when one's mind is exposed to, and accepts the unbelievable love of a supernatural being, the anger and rancor behind the cursing just disappears. It worked for me."

I like that

Nath.

Post by **Old Savage** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:33 pm

Don't say any bad words.

geobru · Post by **geobru** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:01 pm

Years ago, I was in the habit of continuously using foul language until I unleashed the "f" bomb at my mother's dinner table one night. She gave me a look that would have caused granite to melt, and said, "I do NOT allow that kind of language in my home!" I apologized profusely at the time, and started assessing my then current behavior. I wondered how many other people I had offended, and what they really thought of me. That was a very sobering thought, because I have always tried to be honest and kind to the people I come in contact with. To make a long story short, it took over two years of continuous effort to break that speech pattern, but I did. If I can do it considering how foul my mouth was, then anyone can do it.

I remember the incident when I finally broke the habit. I pulled open my sock drawer, and a pair fell onto the floor. I said dxxx, then thought to myself, what good did that do? I still have to pick them up off the floor!

Since that day, 30+ years ago, I can count on one hand the number of times I have slipped up. It is a wonderful habit to break! Good luck with it.

Mokwaw · Post by **Mokwaw** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 5:33 pm

Nath, As has already been stated self discipline and a heart for Jesus will get you on the right track. I use to couldn't talk without cussing in every sentence. I came to know The Lord Jesus about 22 yrs ago. With desire to please Him I have pretty well cleaned up my act. I still slip now and again, but realize right away what I have done and ask forgiveness. I figure if Jesus died for me, I should do all I can to honor Him.

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:21 pm

Sometimes, and I truly wonder this: Is it worse to swear and mean no harm or to pray and mean no good? I'm betting He dislikes hypocricy worse

(not that there's a proper way to swear

)

Sixgun · Post by **Sixgun** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:42 pm

I'll tell you what cured me of using the "N" word--I ran my mouth at work bad mouthing certain individuals. My co-worker of 37 years turned me in to the front office

Management wanted to fire me but it was my word against his-----I was saved and good for me as I only have 5 years to go.

I know its not the Christian thing to do but someday our paths are gonna cross outside of work.

Nath, I have no cure for you. Personally, I just watch myself when I'm around most women as most men and some women are worse than me!---------------------Sixgun

tman · Post by **tman** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:55 pm

every 4th word at work is f-this, f-that, f-you. outside of work i turn it off, without thinking. it's about respect for others. in the work place its used to get someone's attention fast and it works.

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:04 pm

Swearing is like scratching your butt; there are many times it is inappropriate (a job interview comes to mind), sometimes it is acceptable (nobody else in the elevator and you have a wedgie), and a few times it is downright necessary. You just have to know what situation you're in and act accordingly.

FWiedner · Post by **FWiedner** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:13 pm

Words mean things, and every word has it's appropriate application.

The is no such thing as a "bad" word.

There are only inappropriate expression and bad people.

JerryB · Post by **JerryB** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:32 pm

Nath, just between you and me I know that reading James chapter three in my King James Bible, "not a new bible" tells me what a tongue is capable of. It tells of controlling the tongue. I have to read it once in a while, I get kind of sharp sometimes.

Booger Bill · Post by **Booger Bill** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:37 pm

I was raised in a christian home. My dad was from a huge family of 16 kids counting half brothers and sisters. They were strong christians. I NEVER heard my dad or one of my uncles or aunts husbands ever talk dirty or swear. Then I started working on departments of foul mouthed guys and for a number of years fell into it sometimes myself. I got reaquainted with God. I very seldom swear. However what helped is retireing. Last night I cussed out our POTUS and my wife got on me. I prayed for forgiveness. Still dont like him though.

Pete44ru · Post by **Pete44ru** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:56 pm

Start a "cuss jar", wherein you pay an amount (say, one Pound), immediately, each/every time you cuss - you might even have 15 or 20 new guns pretty soon, if you can get them put on your license.

.

Bigahh · Post by **Bigahh** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:02 pm

I am a firm believer that it has everything to do with who you make company with. And that means at work, and outside of work. If you really want to work at it , tell everyone you hang with your intentions. If they slow down, you will also.

ByronG · Post by **ByronG** » Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:37 pm

This is purely a matter of self-discipline.

jerry b · Post by **jerry b** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:32 am

I have been known to drop into "inappropriate" language from time to time. I have a &^%$#@! suggestion.

It only takes a week or two to make or break a habit, I think. For the next couple of weeks, pretend that your momma or preacher or the entire church women's association is hanging out with you. You will slip up from time to time, but you will be aware of your &^%$#@! words. After a bit, I bet you'll notice that your &^%$#@! mouth is behaving much better. Maybe.

It takes work.

dkmlever · Post by **dkmlever** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:34 am

Nath,
You have recognized you have a problem that really is the first big step in solving a problem. After that the guys got it right, think before speaking and self discipline.

Borregos · Post by **Borregos** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:43 am

jnyork wrote:Try thinking about it as a matter of pride that you are intelligent and articulate and grownup enough to be able to express yourself and get your point across without using foul language. It' s kinda like using positive reenforcement on yourself. Works.

+1

redhawk · Post by **redhawk** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:13 am

Many have mentioned "religious" experiences have helped. Having said that, prayer is as effective as anything. Prayer for help does not negate all the advice given about discipline. Prayer and discipline will kick the "habit". JerryB mentioned the "good old King James" Bible so here is a quote in addition to his: "Faith without works is dead, being alone."

alnitak · Post by **alnitak** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:22 am

nemhed wrote:I also looked around and saw that the people that cussed the most were the ones that had problems expressing themselves any other way or had a limited vocabulary.

Building on this idea, I have another suggestion.

As others have said, it is just mental discipline to stop yourself and consider what and how you are saying it. I know this works because I am much more disciplined at home than, e.g., out with the guys.

But, in addition to this tactic of "controlling" the impulse, why not try coming at it from a different direction, and focus on DOING something different, rather than NOT doing? My suggesting is to take up a vocabulary improvement program. Learn one or new words a day, and concentrate on finding opportunities to use them during normal conversation. Focusing on that may raise your overall awareness of what is being said, without the constant pressure of trying to avoid a "mistake."

MrMurphy · Post by **MrMurphy** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 10:04 am

In my case, the guys I work with (immediate surroundings) are all ex-infantry, so with an ex-cop and 3 ex-grunts we all pretty much talk like we're still in uniform. "Outside" of our immediate office.....we have to watch ourselves since the ladies, etc don't like hearing a string of English, Korean, Arabic, Pashtu, Urdu and/or French/Italian/German profanities and other politically incorrect sayings.

Knowing the time and place helps. I'm 32 and have never, in my memory, said a cussword in front of my mother out of respect (she has in front of me growing up a few times). I've cussed in front of my dad here and there after coming back from the military, he didn't blink an eye (he's 62, 2 wars, 2 services and a bunch of different jobs, not much fazes him).

He's aware i'm an adult (my mom, like all moms, still seems to think i'm 12 at times).

While I'm not the best at not cussing, I can be my most inventively insulting without using a single swear word. Now that i'm back in college, one 18 yr old kid was being such a little idiot that i started talking to him. About five minutes later he was so ticked off and ashamed he left the class for quite a while. And I never swore once......

But I did question his parentage, intelligence, schooling, bathing habits.......etc etc. Kind of like getting chewed out by a senior NCO who doesn't have to raise his voice yet terrifies everyone in the room? (SMSgt Sullivan...I learned from you!)

Post by **Hobie** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 10:48 am

Pete44ru wrote:Start a "cuss jar", wherein you pay an amount (say, one Pound), immediately, each/every time you cuss - you might even have 15 or 20 new guns pretty soon, if you can get them put on your license.

.

For my last 2 years I had a cuss jar in my office. We collected about $600 a year.

Bigahh · Post by **Bigahh** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 1:06 pm

In my younger days I played a lot of Softball. Our sponsor was a Local establishment who had a policy that if you were heard saying the "F" word you had to put a Dollar in the Juke Box. There were some nights especially after a bad game that I should have just hired a live Band!

L_Kilkenny · Post by **L_Kilkenny** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 1:13 pm

Like many things moderation and timing can mean everything. In a bar shooting pool with friends? Mouth tends to loosen up. Working on a car and crack your knuckle? You guessed it (first time I ever heard my dad drop the F bomb when I was 13 or 14). Work? Depends, dirty jokes are told by many salesmen but it's generally very limited.

I can tend to have a potty mouth. I do very good in front of customers though and pretty good in front of the folks and my kids. Was working on a bad electrical connection at Walmart here a couple years ago. The wiring in this box was a mess and had way too many wires under each connection. I had to rewire the whole thing, on the sales floor while standing on a 12 foot ladder and resting against the metal grid ceiling. I got zapped no less than 6 times and managed to hold my tongue the entire time. Dad was at the base of the ladder to run interference from customers (another story all together) laughing his behind off though. I was ready to tear the place down I was so mad.

Cussing in movies....... I really get tired of all the F bombs in movies. While throwing it in for effect or realism may be necessary, movies with an F bomb once a minute really grate on me. What kinda messed up mind thinks that actually adds to the quality of a movie.

Don't like preachy types though. While rare, I have met fellows that get truly bent out of shape when they hear cuss words. While I don't expect anyone to put up with a true potty mouth to be offended and the mere thought of cussing is going a little over board. In today's world (or any day in history for that matter) you have to have thicker skin than that. If you get offended around cussin........ stay outta bars, stay off of boats, stay outta hunting camp, stay away from construction, auto repair and electricians that are getting shocked!

LK

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 1:48 pm

L_Kilkenny wrote:Cussing in movies....... I really get tired of all the F bombs in movies. While throwing it in for effect or realism may be necessary, movies with an F bomb once a minute really grate on me. LK

Yeah, I saw a cop movie once where guys were getting shot by crooks and lots of lead flying, and the cop finally gets ahead and draws down on the main crook who's just killed a couple fellow officers and innocent civilians, and the cop shouts "Allright, get your buns outta that car and on the GROUND, you jerk!" - somehow the word "buns" and "jerk" affected me then the same way seeing a 'Civil War' movie with a 1898 Mauser would affect me - just kinds not too. . . realistic...!

I do agree that most of the time it's the other way - swearing overdone for some kind of 'effect' that isn't needed.

Nath · Post by **Nath** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:02 pm

Well you guys are the best, I was thinking I was going to be laughed out of town

Today I did manage to control my mouth some and yes I felt better for it.
Mucho thanks to all the advise you have shared

Nath.

Retro · Post by **Retro** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:54 pm

I've been known to use some really flowery language when, for example, dropping an anvil on my foot, or spilling (like earlier tonight) a bunch of powder all over the place.

I do not however blaspheme. I have also trained my girlfriend / wife / soulmate out of blaspheming.

I have sworn in front of my mother, mostly as a battle of wits, in the intellectual sense. Maybe you had to be there. It was fun.

Swearing in movies is sometimes appropriate and sometimes not. Sometimes well done and sometimes not. Sam Jackson in Band of Brothers springs to mind (on the well done side).

You can do pretty much anything if you really want to. Wanna stop saying words you don't like saying? Then don't say them. It IS a habit.

JB · Post by JB » Fri Mar 12, 2010 3:35 pm

Hobie wrote:
Pete44ru wrote:Start a "cuss jar", wherein you pay an amount (say, one Pound), immediately, each/every time you cuss - you might even have 15 or 20 new guns pretty soon, if you can get them put on your license.

.
For my last 2 years I had a cuss jar in my office. We collected about $600 a year.

I used to work with a lady who owned a bar. She didn't allow the "F" word to be used, but other cussing was fine. Anytime the word slipped, she made the customer or employee put $1.00 into the cuss jar. At the end of the year she held a party with the jar collections. On that one day everyone enjoyed the party and was free to use the "F" word as much as they wanted!

Lastmohecken · Post by **Lastmohecken** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:24 pm

I guess I have cussed like a sailor most of my life. I try to control it, in mixed or polite company, but I have worked around rough talking construction workers and farmers all of my life, and it's hard to break the habit, although I have been trying for a while.

Unfortunately, if I get mad or fustrated, it just comes out. My cussing is directly related to my stress level, which is pretty high a lot of the time. If I couldn't vent, I might just blow up. I think if I didn't have to work for a living, I could do a lot better. And If I didn't have to follow a bunce of stupid drivers to work every morning, I could do better. And if the democrats would resign, I might do better. IF, IF, IF, IF, ETC.