OT - Rules of Engagement

[Ysabel Kid]

Got this via e-mail from a buddy of mine - who just retired a LTC from the Army Reserves.

No offense meant to anyone's particular branch of service. I honor you all - but this is really funny!!!

******

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
Marines Rules
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10... Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11... Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12... In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13... If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines


Go Navy !
U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts )

The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East.

To: All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts

Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K

All commanders promulgate upon receipt.

The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:

1. 'Eat Pork or Die' [both English and Arabic versions]
2. 'Shrine Busters' [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]
3. 'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy' [Both English and Arabic versions]
4. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more.' [Both English and Arabic versions]
5. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.' [Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.]
6. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.' [Both Arabic and English versions]
7. 'Pork. The other white meat.' [Arabic version]
8. 'Infidel' [English, Arabic and other coalitio n force languages.]

The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive.

In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:

1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.'
2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'

All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.

[awp101]

Ranger Vs Special Forces Organizations

The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked DELTA 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?

Ranger Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If the Rangers went in, they would send a Ranger company of 120 men with standard army issue equipment.

Mission Preparation: The Ranger Company First Sergeant would conduct a Hair Cut and boots inspection.

Infiltration Technique: They would insist on double timing, in company formation, wearing their combat equipment, and singing Jody cadence all the way to the site of the hijacked aircraft.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived, the Ranger company would establish their ORP, put out security elements, conduct a leaders recon, reapply their face cammo, and conduct final preparations for Actions on the OBJ.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would be completed within one hour; all of the terrorists and most of the passengers would have been killed, the Rangers would have sustained light casualties and the DELTA 747 probably would be worthless to anyone except a scrap dealer.

Special Forces Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If Special Forces went in, they would send only a 12 man team (all SF units are divisible by 12) however, due to the exotic nature of their equipment the SF Team would cost the same amount to deploy as the Ranger Company.

Mission Preparation: The SF Team Sergeant would request relaxed grooming standards for the team.

Infiltration Technique: The team would insist on separate travel orders with Max Per Diem, and each would get to the site of the hijacking by his own means. At least one third of the team would insist on jumping in.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived , the SF Team would cache their military uniforms, establish a Team Room, use their illegal Team Fund to stock the unauthorized Team Room Bar, check out the situation by talking to the locals, and have a Team Meeting to discuss the merits of the terrorists' cause.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would take two weeks to complete and by that time all of the terrorists would have been killed, (and would have left signed confessions); most of the passengers would be ruined psychologically for the remainder of their lives; and all of the women passengers would be pregnant. The DELTA 747 would be essentially unharmed, the team would have taken no casualties but would have used up, lost or stolen all the "high speed" equipment issued to them.



Inter-Service Language Problem
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One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

If you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

[donw]

they left out the part about rangers and SF getting their berets on 'squared away'...

[handirifle]

This is good but me thinks it's a bit, slanted? Hmmm, could this have been started by Marines?

Sad part, is it's probably pretty accurate.

[Old Savage]

#7 in the National Guard SGT's rules:

If an officer gives you a directive on doing something operational, wait until the third time. They are usually done changing their mind by then.

[pharmseller]

Ah yes, but what if you detailed some of the members from this site to assault the same plane?

Some of the actions they would take, in the order I make them up, would include:

A thorough discussion of which caliber to assault the plane with, .357 or .44 mag (.45 Long Colt included, but not .38 Spec.) or .30-30. Vote ends with .357, but stalls over JHP or cast.

Which platform, Rossi/Browning/Winchester, and if Winchester, pre-64, AE, rebounding hammer, or crossbolt safety and the specific merits of each.

Bitter disagreement over Browning Mirokus as opposed to Winchester Mirokus in the 1886.

Terry Murbach would make a tongue in cheek remark that half found funny, half were offended, and the rest didn't understand.

Scout scopes, standard scopes, or iron sights would polarize the team, with the iron sight contingent evenly split between peep sights and semi-buckhorn.

Hobie would make a sticky out of something.

Ganjiro would suggest using a homemade spear instead of firearms, offering to provide them himself. All present eagerly agreed.

The assault concluded quickly after 1886 generously donated a hunt to each man who killed a terrorist WITHOUT harming a civilian.

Each passenger on the plane would then discover the joys of leverguns and go out and buy a Rossi from Nate.

Feel free to add your own scenarios!


Q

[Old Savage]

I don't care what sights anyone uses except scout scopes - I don't like scout scopes.

[jeepnik]

Addendum #1 to "Air Force". When everyone else is in trouble, pinned down and getting slaughtered. Cruise in at the desired altitude and destroy enemy forces. Never expect a thank you. The ground troops will come up with a story of just how bravely the got themselves out of the mess.

Addendum #2. Before ground operations begin in earnest, control the air space so ground troops don't face air threats, destroy all command and control, major ground assests, lines of supply and listen to the ground troops brag about how they won the war.

Note, no one does it alone. But these days, ground troops surrender to helicopters before our ground troops arrive. Heck, they've been known to surrender to the news media after an aerial campaign.

[RKrodle]

I like scout scopes. Why would anybody want anything other then a scout scoped Marlin Guide gun in 45-70.

[Boreman]

YK, This post is one of the most humorous I have ever read on this forum. It really hit my funny bone. Amazing some of the truths about each branch of the Armed Services. As an ex-Air Force type I take no offense at all to your post. We got the job done in a 1st class manner

[Old Savage]

Ah, Krodle, see there are always at least two ways to look at things.

[Blaine]

Well..... The Army would have had so many Dry Runs that they would have killed off about a third of the operation specialists, and then tasked the Band to provide 10 men for a monthes TDY.


Hobie would opine: Alright Magots, this is a high class unit; You best kill in a high class way, Dag Nab It.......

I have a mental image of AmBraCol and his company of 120 Air Rifles.

The AirBorn Mess Hall: Death From A Bun!!

[Andrew]

The AirBorn Mess Hall: Death From A Bun!!

[JReed]

Here is the real Marine plan.
1. Have FA18F Hornets make a high speed smart bomb run.
2. M777 155mm Howiters and 81mm and 60mm Mortars hammer the surounding area with a combination of HE and airburst.
3. 1 Company moves in and surrounds the plane supported by AH1Z Supper Cobras.
4. 2 Fire Teams breach the plane kill all terrorists document all pasengers and get phone numbers of the women so they can hook up after the deployment.
5. Army shows up upset that they missed out again.

[Ysabel Kid]

Somehow I just knew Jeremy was going to like this one!

[donw]

in all honesty, i find the posting quite humourous.

when i was in the army, i operated with every branch of the military in some way or another and found the cooperation amongst the branches to be great...but i believe that now it's even better.

i've seen photos of special ops teams in iraq and afghanistan that included AF, NAVY, MARINES and ARMY all on the same team with one objective in mind...to kill the enemy!

we need to have a sense of humor and yet stand strong together and celebrate our differences as being the differences that make us the best!

[Blackhawk]

Great Post YK!

Johnny

[Griff]

While the SeeBees were only tasked with repairs to said airfield, their Commandant heard the CNO say he wanted regular flight ops to re-commence by 1200 hrs, so he scheduled the repair groups to arrive on-scene @ 1800hrs the previous day (we all know these things go down @ dawn).

So, when units from SpecWar (any branch you like) arrived @ 0400 and begin the assult, they find the passengers and SeeBees drinking the remaining alchohol and playin' poker, terrorists either dead or detained w/duct-tape.

[NavyDMO]

This is funny!! JReed is closest to the truth. I'm currently in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan with the 24th Marine Expeditionary Unit. You did forget the Harriers though, and the F18s are coming from the aircraft carrier. The 155mm 777 by the way is something that needs to be experienced. Even standing a few feet away you feel like you just fired some Randy Garrett Hammerheads through a light weight guide gun when the cord is pulled on that Howitzer. Not to take away anything from the rifle companies, LAVs, weapons or artillery, but the snipers here are the ones doing the most. They are litterally 'terrorizing' the local Taliban, but to my great disappointment not one of them shoots a lever gun. I guess I can get in trouble if I go into details but lets just say 1600 meters is a long distance for a shot, even with a .50 cal Ronny Barrett M107.

[JReed]

This is funny!! JReed is closest to the truth. I'm currently in the Helmand Province of Afghanistan with the 24th Marine Expeditionary Unit. You did forget the Harriers though, and the F18s are coming from the aircraft carrier. The 155mm 777 by the way is something that needs to be experienced. Even standing a few feet away you feel like you just fired some Randy Garrett Hammerheads through a light weight guide gun when the cord is pulled on that Howitzer. Not to take away anything from the rifle companies, LAVs, weapons or artillery, but the snipers here are the ones doing the most. They are litterally 'terrorizing' the local Taliban, but to my great disappointment not one of them shoots a lever gun. I guess I can get in trouble if I go into details but lets just say 1600 meters is a long distance for a shot, even with a .50 cal Ronny Barrett M107.

I didnt forget the Harriers just didnt want to go into that much detail. Cant give away all of our trade secrets
You are right our snipers do a bang up job their style of warfare is ideally suited to the terrain and the fighting styls of the Taliban. And oh yes the 155 will make your head ring for a week if you get to close to the.

[Otto]

If the ARNG were involved in the 747 assault:

About 20 percent would be too drunk, too fat, or too broken to take part;

About 30 percent would want to be excused because they have exams that day;

About 50 percent would be too busy talking about how they could do a much better job than those RA jerks;

About 80 percent would be complaining that this isn't their job, they're supposed to be doing humanitarian work stateside.