FUNNY STUFF
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Welcome to the Leverguns.Com General Discussions Forum. This is a high-class place so act respectable. We discuss most anything here other than politics... politely.
Please post political post in the new Politics forum.
FUNNY STUFF
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman at the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
********************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
********************************************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started... ..
*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started...
Security. The woman at the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
********************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
********************************************************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started... ..
*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started...
LETS GO SHOOT'N BOYS
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- Shootist
- Posts: 1682
- Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2007 7:46 pm
- Location: BLACK HILLS, DAKOTA TERRITORY
Re: FUNNY STUFF
THOSE ARE HILARIOUS, AND ARE ALSO LIVING PROOF THAT WIMMEN HAVE NO--NO!!!--SENSE OF HUMOR. THEY DISH IT OUT BY THE TON AND CANNOT TAKE A PINCH.
RIDE, SHOOT STRAIGHT, AND SPEAK THE TRUTH
- 2ndovc
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 9366
- Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2007 11:59 am
- Location: OH, South Shore of Lake Erie
Re: FUNNY STUFF
Thanks for the laugh!!!
jb
jasonB " Another Dirty Yankee"
" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
Re: FUNNY STUFF
Thank you! These are so good I shared the last one with my wife...
And then the fight began...
And then the fight began...
Mike
Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit...
I've learned how to stand on my own two knees...
Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit...
I've learned how to stand on my own two knees...
Re: FUNNY STUFF
ROTFLMAO ! !
- Borregos
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 4756
- Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:40 am
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Re: FUNNY STUFF
Best laugh today
Pete
Sometimes I wonder if it is worthwhile gnawing through the leather straps to get up in the morning..................
Sometimes I wonder if it is worthwhile gnawing through the leather straps to get up in the morning..................
- Ysabel Kid
- Moderator
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- Contact:
Re: FUNNY STUFF
Jeremy
GySgt USMC Ret
To err is human, To forgive is devine, Neither of which is Marine Corps policy
Semper Fidelis
GySgt USMC Ret
To err is human, To forgive is devine, Neither of which is Marine Corps policy
Semper Fidelis
Re: FUNNY STUFF
too funny.
Mike Johnson,
"Only those who will risk going too far, can possibly find out how far one can go." T.S. Eliot
"Only those who will risk going too far, can possibly find out how far one can go." T.S. Eliot
- gamekeeper
- Spambot Zapper
- Posts: 17492
- Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:32 pm
- Location: Over the pond unfortunately.
Re: FUNNY STUFF
I heard about a nurse that was writing down the medical history of an elderly patient. she went down the list asking her questions. She asked her, have you ever been bedridden? To which the lady replied, not since my husband died 30 years ago.
If you're gonna be stupid ya gotta be tough-
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
Isiah 55:8&9
It's easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled.
Re: FUNNY STUFF
Yikes!!!
Too close to home...
Too close to home...
Government office attracts the power-mad, yet it's people who just want to be left alone to live life on their own terms who are considered dangerous.
History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
-
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 9137
- Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:05 am
- Location: Sweetwater, TX
Re: FUNNY STUFF
Needed that!
Re: FUNNY STUFF
A woman was telling her husband that the doctor told her she had a face of a 21 year old. Husband replied, well give it back you're wrinkling it all up!
What in the wild world of sports is going on here
- Sixgun
- Posting leader...
- Posts: 18799
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- Location: S.E. Pa. Where The Finest Winchesters & Colts Reside
Re: FUNNY STUFF
A woman was telling her husband she wanted $10,000 for breast implants. He told her to rub toilet paper between her breasts and that they would grow. After 6 months she noticed that did not work and asked her husband what made him think that it would.
He replied, "well, you have been rubbing toilet paper in the crack of your azz for 30 years and look how big that got.
---6
He replied, "well, you have been rubbing toilet paper in the crack of your azz for 30 years and look how big that got.
---6