Etiquette For Rednecks

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Pete44ru
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Etiquette For Rednecks

#1 Post by Pete44ru » Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:20 am

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TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.


DINING OUT

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.



ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A dining table centerpiece should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.



PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is considered a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.



DATING (Outside the family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let your date know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'

3. Establish with your date's parents what time he/she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

4.Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya' sure don't sweat much for a fattie.'



WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride or groom for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance..

4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack, not the bride about het husband.



DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Always dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another vehicle using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your spouse/friend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask them to bring back beer.

5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.




TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records


.
IF IN THESE TYMES OF JEOPARDY,
MORTAL PERIL INVADES THY THOUGHT,
TAKE UP THIS TRVSTY PIECE,
TRVST IN THY GOD, AND FEAR THEE NAUGHT.

(The avatar is me, in 1948 ! )

.

claybob86
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Re: Etiquette For Rednecks

#2 Post by claybob86 » Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:30 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: Lots of excellent advice there!
Have you hugged your rifle today?

wm
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Re: Etiquette For Rednecks

#3 Post by wm » Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:53 am

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
“Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks.
“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks. “No, I can remember it.”
“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?”
He says, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”
“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?” she asks.
Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it!
Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!”
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment. “Where’s my toast?”

Bill in Oregon
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Re: Etiquette For Rednecks

#4 Post by Bill in Oregon » Sun Apr 14, 2019 11:00 am

This'n made me laugh ...

Imageimage012 by ComeWatson, on Flickr

Pisgah
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Re: Etiquette For Rednecks

#5 Post by Pisgah » Sun Apr 14, 2019 2:08 pm

I'll have to dispute your definition of Rednecks. The people you describe are White Trash. The difference is subtle, but profound.

Rednecks are basically country folk -- at least country-born-and-raised. They like shooting, hunting, fishing, maybe do a bit of farming. They tend to be pillars of their churches and communities, and the most-valued employees on their jobs. They are pretty plainspoken, and all they really want from the rest of society is to be left alone to live as they wish. They may have White Trash cousins, but they ain't White Trash.

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crs
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Re: Etiquette For Rednecks

#6 Post by crs » Sun Apr 14, 2019 2:55 pm

Thanks Pigsah and well said.
CRS, NRA Benefactor Member, TSRA, DRSS, DWWC, Whittington Center
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claybob86
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Re: Etiquette For Rednecks

#7 Post by claybob86 » Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:49 am

Wow, I thought this thread was supposed to be humorous.... :roll:
Have you hugged your rifle today?

piller
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Re: Etiquette For Rednecks

#8 Post by piller » Mon Apr 15, 2019 11:45 am

The driving rule number 2 is in full force around Dallas. Also, if your truck is less than 30 years old, you had better not come to a complete stop or the next truck in line will run into you. The antiques do come to a complete stop because their drivers need a moment to check what is causing that noise.
D. Brian Casady
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Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up---Robert Frost

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