Done

[COSteve]

Done

[92&94]

36. I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier for my birthday. I put them in the same room and let them battle it out.

[PaperPatch]

37. You know how some people are afraid of heights...I'm afraid of widths.

[Blaine]

I'm jealous...

[Terry Murbach]

THESE ARE SERIOUSLY FUNNY, POIGNANT, TRUTHFUL, AND RIGHT ON THE MONEY. WHAT A CLEVER MIND THAT FELLOW HAS INDEED.

[FatJackDurham]

Nice

[C. Cash]

Love it!

[Griff]

What I love best about the guy, is his deadpan, laconic delivery.

[Steelbanger]

I always liked the one about him having a map of the United States with a scale of one mile equals one mile.

[2ndovc]

I don't remember it exactly but I love the one about walking down the street when the prescription for my eyeglasses ran out.

jb

[Rusty]

Not from Steven Wright, but one of the best explainations I've ever heard about was a NASCAR driver being interviewed ( no I don't watch it)

"I was coming out of turn 3 and just as I was entering turn 4 I ran out of skill."

[damienph]

What I love best about the guy, is his deadpan, laconic delivery.

No kidding, very rarely he seems to almost smile. Very funny!

[olyinaz]

I think he's the one who coined the question, "Jumbo shrimp... So which is it?"

Very funny man!

[Mossyoak1957]

#35 was always my all time favorite.....

[Ji in Hawaii]

I believe he came up with: "Women. Can't live with them... can't kill them."

I like this one:

One day I got on the bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl. I sat beside her.

I said, 'Hi', And she said, 'Hi', and then I said, 'Nice day, isn't it?'.

And she said, 'I saw my analyst today and he says I have a problem.'

So I asked, 'What's the problem?' She replied, 'I can't tell you. I don't even know you.'

I said, 'Well, sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect stranger on a bus.'

So she said, 'Well, my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish cowboys... By the way, my name is Denise.'

I said, 'Hello, Denise. My name is Bucky Goldstein.'.

[Ji in Hawaii]

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

How do you get off of a non-stop flight?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Is "tired old cliche" one?

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman'.

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Was it somebody's cruel idea to put an "S" in the word "LISP" ?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has a right to talk?

If you tell a joke in the forest, and nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?

[piller]

I have a pony.

[cshold]

Thanks for posting these Steve
I've been posting one a day on my Facebook page.