That's when the fight started.....

[TedH]

She said, "I feel old, fat, and ugly. You really should pay me a compliment."

He said, "Yer eyesight is darn near perfect!"

[Pitchy]

[Borregos]

[gamekeeper]

Good one..

[Blaine]

[RIHMFIRE]

[Nazgul]

Silence is golden.........................at times.

Don

[spaceman spiff]

That's one way to achieve celibacy


spaceman

[Sixgun]

I would respond, "Yep, your smart too! " or "I see you never tell a lie" -------------------------Sixgun

[Canuck Bob]

Reminds me of an old joke.

Kid asks his Dad how his aunt sally earned her medal in the Gulf War.

Well Sally was a chopper pilot and they shot her down over enemy territory. On the way down in the chute she pulled out a pistol and a pint of whiskey she always carried. She drank the whiskey and prepared to deal with some of the enemy approaching.

When she landed she killed 4 of them with the pistol and beat the last one to death with the empty gun and escaped. We are all proud of her and let that be a lesson to you.

What lesson is that Dad, he asked.

Don't ever mess with Sally when she's been drinking.

[Bill in Oregon]

Ted, wait, that describes ME!

[stew71]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
And that's when the fight started....

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
And that's when the fight started....

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday...
And that's when the fight started....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....

[1894c]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
And that's when the fight started....

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
And that's when the fight started....

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday...
And that's when the fight started....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....

YIKES... :)

[awp101]

A man buys his wife an expensive sheer negligee for a special occasion.

As she is trying it on she thinks "This is so see through, I could probably go out there wearing nothing and he wouldn't know. Then I could return this and buy something else!" So she steps out of the bedroom wearing nothing and her husband gets a disgusted look on his face. Thinking she's been busted the wife asks "What's wrong honey?"

He says "For $350 you'd think they'd at least iron the wrinkles out before putting it in the box!"

The police theorize he never heard the shot...