Definitions For The I.T. Challenged

[JimT]

Regression Analysis: Mathmatical techniques for trying to understand why things are getting worse.

Keyboard: A device used to enter errors into a computer.

Beta Test: To voluntarily entrusts one's data, one's livelihood and one's sanity to hardware or software intended to destroy all three. In earlier days virgins were used to beta test volcanoes.

Prime Numbers: Tender juicy numbers used only in expensive computers.

Hexadecimal: An unlucky number used by a computer.

Execution: What the computer did to your program. Also known as murder.

Crash: Normal termination of a computer program.

Loop: See Infinite Loop.

Infinite Loop: See Loop.

[Walt]

Good ones! I agree....thanks.

[Ysabel Kid]

As one who has a very mean electronics curse, I completely agree!

NO ONE at work will let their computer or phone anywhere near me. If they do, the device always goes down. It is uncanny!

[Alan Wood]

I wish I had seen those a couple of hours ago. Home sick and tried to pay my cell phone bill over the web and their website wouldn't let me! I tried last night and got one error then this morning and didn't even get that far. Being a computer programmer by trade I really like the beta test definition!

[Rimfire McNutjob]

Great list. As an IT person, I really enjoyed it.

[2ndovc]

As one who has a very mean electronics curse, I completely agree!

NO ONE at work will let their computer or phone anywhere near me. If they do, the device always goes down. It is uncanny!

I think I have a similar curse. One of our IT gals knows it's me when my number comes up on her screen. She just answers " What did you do now?". Usually, I have no idea, but most likely something is going to need to be replaced.

jb

[Old No7]

Here's a few more good'uns...

Old No7

REDNECK COMPUTER TERMS
Backup - What ya do when ya run 'cross a skunk in da woods
Bar Code - Them's the fight'n rules down at Joe's bar
Bug - The reason ya give for calling in sick
Byte - What yur pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
Cache - Needed when yur out a food stamps
Chip - Pasture muffins that ya try not to step in
Crash - When ya go to Junior's party without an invite
Digital - The art of counting on yur fingers
Diskette - Female Disco dancer
Fax - What ya lie about to the IRS
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
Keyboard - Where ya hang the keys to the John Deere
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
Megahertz - How yur head feels after 17 beers
Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live
Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
Serial Port - A red wine ya drink with breakfast
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What ya call week-old underwear
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker

[Walt]

Another excellent and appropriate list....thanks!

[vancelw]

Here's a list of the most common errors....

EEOC- equipment exceeds operator capabilities

ESTO- equipment smarter than operator

Code 18- problem is 18 inches from screen

PICNIC- problem in chair, not in computer

PEBKAC- problem exists between keyboard and chair

Short between the headphones

IBM- idiot behind machine

Biological interface error

[Ysabel Kid]

As one who has a very mean electronics curse, I completely agree!

NO ONE at work will let their computer or phone anywhere near me. If they do, the device always goes down. It is uncanny!

I think I have a similar curse. One of our IT gals knows it's me when my number comes up on her screen. She just answers " What did you do now?". Usually, I have no idea, but most likely something is going to need to be replaced.

jb