Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
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Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpt from a Dog's Diary........
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity....
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
Excerpt from a Dog's Diary........
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity....
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
"From birth 'til death...we travel between the eternities." -- Print Ritter in Broken Trail
- vancelw
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 3934
- Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:56 pm
- Location: 90% NE Texas and 10% SE Montana
Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
Exactly!
That's why you can't trust either one of them.
Here's how you strike fear in the cats and keep them in line:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/35442008/ ... ?GT1=43001
I don't advocate the above link. I'd rather eat a rat!
That's why you can't trust either one of them.
Here's how you strike fear in the cats and keep them in line:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/35442008/ ... ?GT1=43001
I don't advocate the above link. I'd rather eat a rat!
"Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure that there is one less scoundrel in the world." - Thomas Carlyle
- 2ndovc
- Advanced Levergunner
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Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
That's really funny!
Thanks for the laugh!!
jb
Thanks for the laugh!!
jb
jasonB " Another Dirty Yankee"
" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
Cats and Women shall do as they please, and Dogs and Men should just get used to the idea.
The Rotten Fruit Always Hits The Ground First
Proud Life Member Of:
NRA
Second Amendment Foundation
Citizens Committee For The Right To Keep And Bear Arms
DAV
Proud Life Member Of:
NRA
Second Amendment Foundation
Citizens Committee For The Right To Keep And Bear Arms
DAV
- Ysabel Kid
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Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
Day 984. I have discovered a way to take out the retarded canines that seem to enjoy their captivity...
- vancelw
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 3934
- Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:56 pm
- Location: 90% NE Texas and 10% SE Montana
Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
With the canines gone, what should I do next?
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"Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure that there is one less scoundrel in the world." - Thomas Carlyle
Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
Terrific!
"From birth 'til death...we travel between the eternities." -- Print Ritter in Broken Trail
-
- Advanced Levergunner
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Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 5670
- Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:13 pm
- Location: DeeDee Snavely's Used Guns and Weapons
Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
-Mark Twain
Proverbs 3:5; Philippians 4:13
Got to have a Jones for this
Jones for that
This running with the Joneses boy
Just ain't where it's at
- Ysabel Kid
- Moderator
- Posts: 27918
- Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:10 pm
- Location: South Carolina, USA
- Contact:
- 2ndovc
- Advanced Levergunner
- Posts: 9362
- Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2007 11:59 am
- Location: OH, South Shore of Lake Erie
Re: Humor -- What pets write in their diaries...
jb
jasonB " Another Dirty Yankee"
" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"