for cat lovers- no drinking here

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 12:27 pm

TRUE OR NOT ....
Cat Lover or Not, this is Hysterical!

We'v e all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" < FONT face=Tahoma color=#b91c00 size=2>

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived he r behaviour as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing m etal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced wit h a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the parame dics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct the ir work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

And ... do any of you know this guy ... or ... was it you?

Oz n bolivia · Post by **Oz n bolivia** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:23 pm

Just another reason to not have a cat around the house.

Oz

2ndovc · Post by **2ndovc** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:29 pm

That's a freakin' riot! I can't stop laughing!

kimwcook · Post by **kimwcook** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 2:50 pm

Read that one before. It makes me chuckle thinking it could happen. It would have me ROTFLMAO if I knew it really happened.

Old Shatterhand · Post by **Old Shatterhand** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 3:38 pm

Another reason for not letting cats into the house!

Old Sh.

JB · Post by JB » Tue Dec 11, 2007 3:59 pm

I thought the post was about hunting them!

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 5:34 pm

You guys are going to get us all in trouble again!

Actually, something like this almost happened to me. We had a cat that was super friendly. Always followed me around. One day I'm in the shower, and the darn thing jumped in. Now, I was blocking the water with my head and body, but realized that as soon as that water hit that big ol' tom I was likely to get cut to ribbons as it tried to get out of the shower fast!

I tried to sho it out with no luck. Couldn't just reach behind me to turn off the water either. I finally pulled back the curtain and let him have the full spray, hoping he'd take the easiest way out.

Got lucky - still have all of my equipment!!!

95fan · Post by **95fan** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 7:44 pm

Great story, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

cas · Post by **cas** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:21 pm

Ysabel Kid wrote:You guys are going to get us all in trouble again!

Yeah.... but it's so much fun!

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Wed Dec 12, 2007 8:18 am

cas - you're going to get us picketed or something!

Round two on my old tom. This cat was my constant companion. It also liked to hop up on my shoulders. No big deal most of the time, though at 16 pounds, you knew he was there! One morning I'm standing in the bathroom buck naked, shaving at the sink, and Hobbes (the cat) jumps up on my shoulder. I start to put down the razor so I can put him down - remember - he has all four sets of claws and I don't want him sliding down my back or my front!

Well, his tail flicks around, hits just under my nose, then slides into my mouth - which is now full of shaving cream mixed with cat fur!

I jossle, spitting the offending matter and trying not to choke. Hobbes doesn't like the wet stuff on his tail, so flicks it harder, this time picking more shaving cream off my face, and depositing this lump - with cat fur - in one of my eyes.

I yelp, the cat jumps, and my wife looks in wondering what her fool naked husband is doing dancing in the bathroom with his hand over his eye.

I kid you not - it really happened!!!

JReed · Post by **JReed** » Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:38 am

Rusty · Post by **Rusty** » Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:01 pm

Dang Kid, You seem to have this magnetism with cats when you're in your birthday suit. I'd work on that if I wuz you.

Rusty <><

Blackhawk · Post by **Blackhawk** » Wed Dec 12, 2007 4:02 pm

As I get older I'm finding a soft spot for wayward animals. My sister is too and knows I am so she lets me know when strays are dropped of at her place out in teh country.

Well she had 5 kittens dropped off not too long ago, got rid of two fairly young but had 2 males and a female left. My wife talks me into "seeing if I can catch one and pick it up?" It was a bet. She plays on the hunting emotions in me I guess. As soon as I have him picked up she ask, in front of both kids, can we keep him? I was trapped and couldn't naw my own leg off this time if I wanted too. Well this cat "Mojo", he is all black, is skidish to say the least but the best part is, he likes no one but me. I can call him and he'll come out of hiding, pick him up, play with him, but as soon as the kids or wife get close he's gone, even if he's in my arms. He hisses at everyone else. You should see the look on my 2yr olds face when he reaches for him and Mojo hisses at him. He stops, but you can see the nogood in him making his wheels turn but is still afaid to reach for teh cat. But he's a good cat and hope to have him outside as soon as winter is over.

Johnny

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:03 am

For all the ribbing I am sure to get, I will admit I love cats. We had the tom I described in the earlier posts for 16 years and when he died a few years ago I was crushed. I can't believe it has been 5 years. I've never been without a cat for that long, and I miss the company. Just don't think the family dog we got 3 years ago - a dachshund, would tolerate one.

Old Shatterhand · Post by **Old Shatterhand** » Thu Dec 13, 2007 4:38 pm

Der Reichskater Adolf

From this site: http://freshpics.blogspot.com/2006/06/h ... ts_08.html

Old Sh.

P.s. Not to be taken too seriuosly...

Pepe Ray · Post by **Pepe Ray** » Sun Dec 16, 2007 8:54 pm

For CAS;
Thanks for that post. After viewing the person running from the target area, it became apparant the nature of the video.
Indeed we do learn something new each day. For me it is the nature of your character.
Pepe Ray

cas · Post by **cas** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:17 am

Very Jesus like of you, making judgments about my character based on so much.
Thank you for showing us the nature of your character.

Are you upset by what you're seeing, or what you think you're seeing?

(What you see is a zoom from a gunship camera/sight, not an incoming smart bomb video feed.)

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:46 am

Yeah, dang cas - I hate it when we miss one!

Old Ironsights · Post by **Old Ironsights** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 5:03 pm

Obviously a Terrorist Cat...

old goat · Post by **old goat** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 6:57 pm

...True or not, I thought it was funny!

...old goat

Blaine · Post by **Blaine** » Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:17 pm

Pepe......Have you EVER seen a cat with a big old sad tear on the edge of his eye?

I truly hope you were kidding......Humor is very much part of the Christian Life.....