Made me laugh out loud --seriously

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Bill in Oregon
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Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by Bill in Oregon »

Hope y'all are as tickled with this as I was:

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE





This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.



Men Are Just Happier People!



What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.



Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.



A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.



You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.



No wonder men are happier!





NICKNAMES



If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.





EATING OUT



When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.



When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.





MONEY



A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.





BATHROOMS



A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.





ARGUMENTS



A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.





FUTURE



A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.





MARRIAGE



A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.





DRESSING UP



A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.





NATURAL



Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.





OFFSPRING



Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.







THOUGHT FOR THE DAY



A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
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FWiedner
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by FWiedner »

.
True.

Every single item.

:lol:
Government office attracts the power-mad, yet it's people who just want to be left alone to live life on their own terms who are considered dangerous.

History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
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2ndovc
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by 2ndovc »

Good stuff!

I love the one about women get dressed up to go shopping. Just this morning Bubbles called me about stopping by Lowe's for landscaping stuff. I could tell she was in her car and asked what she was up to. Her exact words were " I'm going shopping, I looked too cute this morning to stay home". I couldn't argue, she did look pretty hot this morning! :D

jb 8)
jasonB " Another Dirty Yankee"


" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
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gamekeeper
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by gamekeeper »

Excellent, it leaves nothing else to be said......... :lol:
If more men loved and cherished their wives as much as I love bacon the world would be a much better place.
Nath
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by Nath »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 8)
Psalm ch8.

Because I wish I could!
piller
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by piller »

A woman needs a minimum of 135 cooking and food preparation items. A man needs a spatula, a large spoon, and a knife.
D. Brian Casady
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Advanced is being able to do the basics while your leg is on fire---Bill Jeans
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Ray
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by Ray »

"The world is your urinal" line can not be discounted or ignored especially if your heart/diabetes medication contains hydrochlorothiazide and either coffee or pints of cold and frothy are involved.
m.A.g.a. !
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Grizz
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by Grizz »

resonates here, musta been written by a good observer.
.45colt
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by .45colt »

All True !!!!
One member of My family had His wife walk out on him and filed for divorce several years ago because He was a terrible drunk. She just left and didn't want anything. since then His life completely changed ,He has No desire to drink at all , has lots of buddies to go fishing and golfing with, now has his own business , works only if he wants to , when He wants to. He says "I wake up everyday knowing it's going to be a Good day". He avoids miserable unhappy women at all cost. :lol: .
rossim92
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by rossim92 »

2ndovc wrote: Thu Sep 05, 2019 1:27 pm Good stuff!

I love the one about women get dressed up to go shopping. Just this morning Bubbles called me about stopping by Lowe's for landscaping stuff. I could tell she was in her car and asked what she was up to. Her exact words were " I'm going shopping, I looked too cute this morning to stay home". I couldn't argue, she did look pretty hot this morning! :D

jb 8)
As we say here. Pictures dude, not real without pictures! :D
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Henry .22 lever, Remington speedmaster 552 .22 lr
Marlin Glenfield .22 boltaction
gforce 12ga semi
Taylor's Tactical 1911 A1 FS in .45acp
winchester 1873 44.40
Marlin 336W .30.30
beeman sportsman rs2 dual caliber pellet rifle
henry .22 magnum pumpaction/octagon barrel
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2ndovc
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by 2ndovc »

rossim92 wrote: Fri Sep 06, 2019 4:38 am
2ndovc wrote: Thu Sep 05, 2019 1:27 pm Good stuff!

I love the one about women get dressed up to go shopping. Just this morning Bubbles called me about stopping by Lowe's for landscaping stuff. I could tell she was in her car and asked what she was up to. Her exact words were " I'm going shopping, I looked too cute this morning to stay home". I couldn't argue, she did look pretty hot this morning! :D

jb 8)
As we say here. Pictures dude, not real without pictures! :D
Went out for dinner last night. :D
Image

jb 8)
jasonB " Another Dirty Yankee"


" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
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marlinman93
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by marlinman93 »

Good one Bill! All resonate with truth, and accuracy too!
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rossim92
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by rossim92 »

you are truly blesssed, dude!!!!!!
Rossi 92 .357 lever , and a cz pcr 9mm
Henry .22 lever, Remington speedmaster 552 .22 lr
Marlin Glenfield .22 boltaction
gforce 12ga semi
Taylor's Tactical 1911 A1 FS in .45acp
winchester 1873 44.40
Marlin 336W .30.30
beeman sportsman rs2 dual caliber pellet rifle
henry .22 magnum pumpaction/octagon barrel
stag 5.56 m4 with reddot
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2ndovc
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Re: Made me laugh out loud --seriously

Post by 2ndovc »

rossim92 wrote: Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:24 pm you are truly blesssed, dude!!!!!!
I sure am! Holding up pretty good for 52! :D

Thanks for the nice words! :D

jb 8)
jasonB " Another Dirty Yankee"


" Tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
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