Quiz: Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

[Old No7]

An old, but good one, from the local gun club...

Gee, maybe I should have taken Physics in college?

Old No7

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona Physics Mid Term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

Bonus Question: Is Hell Exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion -- we can safely project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we must look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as more souls are added.

This gives us two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which new souls are entering, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose!

2. If however, Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of new souls who are entering, then the temperature and pressure will drop until all Hell freezes over!

So which is it ? ? ?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night -- then number two must be true!

Thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct........

Thus leaving us with only Heaven -- thereby proving the existence of a Divine Being -- which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting: "Oh my God! Oh my God!'"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

[crs]

Oldie, but goodie.

[piller]

[M. M. Wright]

Oh yeah, it's still funny.

[buckeyeshooter]

Unfortunately, you will be required to unfreeze Hell because many environmental groups will be complaining that your ardouious carnal activities are causing 'Global Warming' and even though common logic states heat will melt ice, Al Gore told them 'it just ain't so'.

[jeepnik]

Unfortunately, you will be required to unfreeze Hell because many environmental groups will be complaining that your ardouious carnal activities are causing 'Global Warming' and even though common logic states heat will melt ice, Al Gore told them 'it just ain't so'.

Heat does not melt ice. Until we reach absolute zero, a tad less than -460°F, there is heat. And at sea level under nominal atmospheric conditions water freezes at 32°F (actually there's more to it than that but we'll assume for the purposes of our explanation that id does freeze and 32°F) the heat available at 31.999°F won't melt ice. Only sufficient heat (measured in BTU's not in degrees) to warm the ice to above 32°F would melt ice.

[piller]

The energy put into the system is directly responsible for the movement of electrons in an endothermic system. The Earth does not produce sufficient heat to prevent the slowing of electrons to cause water to change state to a solid. That great big exothermic reaction at the center of our local system of 8 planets and a planetoid is what provides us with sufficient btus to continue life as we know it. Although, it is reported that the interior of this planet is very hot. It could be postulated that Hell is at the center of our planet, and therefore, shows evidence of being exothermic in a terrifying way. The Sun is sufficiently distant to be a warming glow which sustains and promotes life. It could be postulated that the Sun represents Heaven.

Science can really get you off into a place where you start ignoring the obvious. Cold is not an excess of cold, it is an absence of heat. If left to its own reactions, there would be a point at which the entire universe would run out of material for reactions and heat would go away. Hell would then have to be exothermic if it were to continue to exist.