"Air Traffic Control" Humor

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Old No7
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"Air Traffic Control" Humor

Post by Old No7 »

Here you go... :wink:

Old No7

"Air Traffic Control" Humor

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles out..."
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches..."

=========================

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet . Just how much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:
"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

=========================

A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

=========================

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English.
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

==========================

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am..." the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind...

Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high..........................

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

=========================

Aircraft with VIPs (Admirals) aboard were always given priority beyond the safe, orderly, and expeditious control of air traffic. Assuming the duty on the day watch, the tower supervisor noted a VIP inbound, Navy 31455, with a Code 5 on board. Nothing about which to be too concerned. So as scheduled, Navy 31455 reported passing the outer marker on an approach to the duty runway, Runway 4. Immediately after that, a single engine training aircraft at the mid-downwind leg declared an emergency and requested to land immediately.

Tower cleared the trainer to land on Runway 4 and directed Navy 31455 to pull up and go around!
"Tower, Navy 31455. You do know that we have an Admiral aboard, correct?!"
"Navy 31455, Tower. Yes sir. Take him with you if you want."

=========================

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, callsign "Speedbird 206".

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, many times back in 1944 and 45 -- but we didn't land!"

=========================
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piller
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Re: "Air Traffic Control" Humor

Post by piller »

:lol: If we the passengers only knew...
D. Brian Casady
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M. M. Wright
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Re: "Air Traffic Control" Humor

Post by M. M. Wright »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Currently living my eternal life.
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Merle
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Re: "Air Traffic Control" Humor

Post by Merle »

good stuff here :lol:
Merle from PA
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FWiedner
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Re: "Air Traffic Control" Humor

Post by FWiedner »

In 1981, members of the Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization walked off the job to strike after failing in negotiations to gain a pay increase and a shorter work week.

President Ronald Reagan declared the strike illegal and fired 11,000 air-traffic controllers.

Reagan also imposed a lifetime ban on rehiring the strikers.

Now that's funny.

:wink: :lol:
Government office attracts the power-mad, yet it's people who just want to be left alone to live life on their own terms who are considered dangerous.

History teaches that it's a small window in which people can fight back before it is too dangerous to fight back.
Pete44ru
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Re: "Air Traffic Control" Humor

Post by Pete44ru »

Old No7 wrote: Sat Nov 18, 2017 10:05 am
Here you go... :wink:

Old No7

"Air Traffic Control" Humor[/color[




ROTFLMAO ! !

Those are great, and I've never heard those, in particular, before - thanks for posting, the made my day ! :mrgreen:


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Pete44ru
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Re: "Air Traffic Control" Humor

Post by Pete44ru »

Pete44ru wrote: Sat Nov 18, 2017 2:04 pm
Old No7 wrote: Sat Nov 18, 2017 10:05 am
Here you go... :wink:

Old No7

"Air Traffic Control" Humor

ROTFLMAO ! !

Those are great, and I've never heard those, in particular, before - thanks for posting, they made my day ! :mrgreen:


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