A bittersweet Christmas day

homefront · Post by **homefront** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:14 pm

As I type this, my wife has fallen asleep on the couch, my daughter is at her boyfriend's parents house, the dogs are tussling over a bone, and the wood stove is giving welcome warmth. The day didn't start so pleasantly.

From the moment a shadow of consciousness appeared in my mind, so did the remembrance that it was Christmas morning and my son Chas was gone. The tears poured steadily from my eyes onto the pillow as my soul writhed in the flames of grief, still not able to accept his death. This has been my problem: I still seek my son, to know where he is, to reach out and help him; and I can do none of it. His death this past summer plays over and over in my mind, though I did not witness it. I only saw the aftermath at Hanemann hospital, saw him lying on the gurney in the sterile hallway, staring blankly at the ceiling as his brain continued to swell and become terminally damaged. We witnessed the testing to confirm his being brain dead, signed papers for Gift of Life to take parts of our son for others to use, and I escorted my boy to the crematory for my last goodbye.

Our caring church family arrived quickly at the hospital, and for many days were at our home. I don't know how we could have survived without them.

They have been there for us all this time, and again gave of themselves to give us comfort and fellowship this Christmas. Today we and several other families spent the day traveling to each others homes, sharing meals, exchanging gifts, talking of the future. The support of their presence helped my wife, my daughter, and I make it through this first Christmas without our Chas. He was ever present in my mind and my heart, and I held back the tears with effort. I spoke to him frequently, told him I missed him and I loved him, and wished he were beside me again.
So now, at the days end, I have some things to be grateful for. I still have my other treasures, my wife and daughter, who give my life purpose and meaning. We treated each other with love and compassion today, and exchanged gifts with deep gratitude for one another.

This was one of the hardest days of my life. I'm thankful to God for the gifts He keeps giving, but can't understand why He took my Chas. I'll never know while I still breathe, and must keep pushing through the days, if only for my wife and daughter.

Friends, please thank God for your families and friends. Don't ever take them for granted. Don't sin, for sin's wages are final. Lastly, pray for us all.

handirifle · Post by **handirifle** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:38 pm

homefront
It's hard for me to write this as tears fill my eyes for you. I have never lost a child so I cannot feel what you feel, but my heart does cry for you.

We lost a sister to my wife in 1976, and she was a sweet heart. The only thing I can offer is the words of my mother-in-law towards her departed daughter. They most likely apply to Chas as well.

Her words were, "She was just too good for this evil world, so God took her out of it." My prayers and heart go out to you and your family on this Christmas day. Her's too was brain damage.

May God Bless and strengthen you all.

horsesoldier03 · Post by **horsesoldier03** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 9:49 pm

You and your family have my prayers!

cubrock · Post by **cubrock** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 10:03 pm

Prayers sent!

Post by **Ysabel Kid** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 10:11 pm

Homefront -

I thought of you earlier today, and the pain you must be going through. I have prayed for you and your family since this summer. I am glad to hear that so many around you were there for you today.

C. Cash · Post by **C. Cash** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 10:45 pm

Yes Sir, I will do my best on all accounts. God Bless you and keep you strong. Won't be long till all of this melts away and we are together again at last. Keep fighting the good fight Homefront.

JerryB · Post by **JerryB** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 11:57 pm

Homefront,thank God that have a church family to carry you through. Six months or five years,it's still the same.We lost a grown daughter five years ago and most of our church family was with us day and nite for as long as we needed them. You have prayer for you here too.

Marlin .35 · Post by **Marlin .35** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 12:25 am

May God bless you and you and your family!! I can understand your grief. My only son killed himself 5 years ago, and it is still very hard. A year after that my wife of 38 years killed herself too. I cannot forget any of these and still to today I still weep for them. Art

GANJIRO · Post by **GANJIRO** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 3:43 am

Aloha Charley, I can relate to and share in your loss and grief at this time, my losing my mom in April and Dad in June, and the whole world just seems so much emptier without the presence of those so special in our lives but now tragically gone. My mom died in my arms, and I found my dad dead in the backyard, my mom I could not even delay the inevitable but I know I could have prevented my dad's death and I will forever live with that guilt. I miss them SO much so I know what you must feel though it must be harder for you since my parents did live a full happy life together before leaving this Earth. Just be rest assured that you will meet with your son again in a better place and spend the rest of eternity with him and all your other loved ones in peace. My prayers for strength and peace continue to you and yours.

E malama pono, Ji

homefront · Post by **homefront** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:08 am

What can I say?
I haven't met a single one of you, but feel as if we've been friends a long time.
Thank you all. God bless you all.

rjohns94 · Post by **rjohns94** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 9:30 am

Homefront:

My prayers are with you. This year I am celebrating the life of my son, who by God's grace, survived a mountain bike accident, multiple operations and months of recovery. Though I did not loose my son, I grieved for months over the circumstances of his accident and spent much time on my knees gving thanks for grace of a few inches which spared his life. This day I pray for you and for all those who face the emptiness of a missing Spouse, Child, Parent, Sibling or other family member or friend. It is the task of those left behind to live with strength, grace, dignity and honor and a true zest of life in honor of those who are taken seemingly before their time. I wear three earings in my left ear, to honor those whose lives affected mine so greatly, yet were taken so suddenly and in their prime. It is my way of remembering them every day and each time I look in the mirror.

Blessings and Peace to you and your family.

Post by **Old Savage** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:03 pm

I pray that you receive comfort and can feel hope we all live with of being reunited with those who have passed before us. Glad you have the present blessings. This takes me back 60 years in an odd way to being in that same hospital for Xmas at six weeks old having 11 spinal taps due to blood in the cerebrospinal fluid apparently from some birth injury trauma. Haven't thought of that for a while and of course can't recall the events.

Again, I wish you comfort until the trial of the present times have passed and we are all reunited in glorious love.

Nate Kiowa Jones · Post by **Nate Kiowa Jones** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:45 pm

A parent should never out live a child. It's just too hard. Payers up.

hfcable · Post by **hfcable** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:48 pm

Homefront, I think of you and the loss of your son often. Many times I sit eating or talking with my only child, my 18 year old son, and i recall when he was small and thank God for him, and for every day i have had with him. I cannot imagine your loss, but i do remember you often and i do pray for you and your family.. often when i look at my son, i am reminded of your loss, and i do say a silent prayer for you right then and there. I wish i could do more.

Nath · Post by **Nath** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:05 pm

Respect to you Sir and yours.
Nathan.

AJMD429 · Post by **AJMD429** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:08 pm

I was fortunate enough to be reading "The Red Heart" when my mother passed, and it was the first book in 40 years I'd read that really showed to me the experience of a lifetime. Most 'biographies' are just lists of inventions or famous accomplishments; this book somehow for me said it all. by James Thom. All his books are pretty durn good.

If anyone caught my "POLITICAL - Scary City Folks" post, it is places like "Leverguns" that help connect with truly spiritual people who even though you may never meet them in the flesh, help make the world a better place by simply knowing that others out there exist who aren't obsessed with MONEY - like the Liberals/Socialists, and other superficial things only a socialist police-state can 'provide'.

k8bor · Post by **k8bor** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:15 pm

I lost my only sister when she was 29 from a brain tumor and forever grieve not having a sibling to talk to.

I try not to think about the lonliness I would feel as my son is looking toward his fourth tour in Iraq.

Bless you, I admire your strength for even getting this far. Just remember he sees you and knows you will talk again someday.

dr walker · Post by **dr walker** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:17 pm

Homefront,

My wife and I have not lost any children. I am so sorry for your loss.
My prayers are with you.

JDL · Post by **JDL** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:17 pm

I ask my Lord to comfort you and your family and may peace surround you. -JDL

canonsix · Post by **canonsix** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:29 pm

Prayers for you Sir, and for all of yours. Doug

1886 · Post by **1886** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:36 pm

I remember your post from this past summer. I have no words. I try to put myself in your shoes but I can not. It is too frightening to even contemplate. I run from the thought when I try. Best wishes for comfort and strength. 1886.

hillclimber · Post by **hillclimber** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:02 pm

1886 wrote:I remember your post from this past summer. I have no words. I try to put myself in your shoes but I can not. It is too frightening to even contemplate. I run from the thought when I try. Best wishes for comfort and strength. 1886.

I echo this. This is a heart breaker. I lost my mom 1 year ago, but each of our 7 children are fine, and it's unimaginable to think of losing one. God bless you and your church family.

homefront · Post by **homefront** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 11:22 pm

Your replies had my wife in tears tonight.
Our prayers go out for all who have lost their hearts, as we have.

DiamondD · Post by **DiamondD** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 2:12 am

God bless you and yours.