Prayers needed for a young man to get his life straight

[awp101]

A friend of my youngest stepson needs help. He's almost 20 but we've known him since they were in Junior High and around the time of HS graduation he fell in with the wrong crowd.

His home life wasn't the best and he's been couch surfing the past few months. His family won't take him back due to petty theft to support a probable drug habit and he's doing his best to not have to contact his old friends for a crash pad as he's trying to leave that life. Of course being young and dumb, he won't do the obvious and go to rehab because "he doesn't have a problem".

A couple of weeks ago we agreed to take him in for a month (anything of value was locked up or on my person) as long as he followed three rules: no hanging out with the old crowd, no letting them know where he is staying and no drug use of any sort. Week one, he broke one and two by contacting his old gf to get a ride for a job search. Tonight my stepson found a small pipe of some sort when he moved his friend's pants.

When he was confronted he claimed it was an old one with K2 in it that he'd forgotten about from his old apartment. Maybe, maybe not but in talking to his family the past couple of weeks we found he can be very convincing. Strike three and he has nowhere to go AFAIK right now but he can't stay here anymore.

Right now my stepson is either taking him to the local PD to get him help or the local ER, I haven't heard which yet. Either way, they can provide the help we aren't trained to give. I hope a couple of weeks of stability has given him the chance to review his past choices and examine future possibilities but I'm afraid he's still stuck in that Egyptian River.

Thanks.

[salvo]

Prayers up.
Hope things work out.

[JerryB]

Sure will be praying for him and ya'll too.

[kimwcook]

I pray he realizes only he can get himself out of the spiral.

[AJMD429]

The best thing for those folks seems to be if they could go to the mountains and stay with avery strict, 'off the grid' relative for a year or two, where they didn't eat unless they grew or hunted or trapped it, didn't have clothes unless they made/repaired them, and generally had nothing to do but get in touch with the real world, and their real self.

Our society doesn't have such an option any longer, for the most part...

[Booger Bill]

What you are doing when you are trying to help is called "enableing". Been there done that. It ended up costing me a fortune.

[Slick]

I think some people need to hit rock bottom before they can tell which way is up. I hope he gets some help and manages to turn his life around.

[gamekeeper]

You have done a christian act of kindness by taking him in, I hope he finally sees sense and turns his life round.

[Pisgah]

I applaud your desire to help, and pray things work out. But realize that this young man did not "fall in with the wrong crowd" -- he chose the crowd he wanted to be a part of. It seems clear he has not yet chosen to leave that crowd. Remember that heping does not help at all if it allows him to escape any of the consequences of his own actions.

[firefuzz]

God Bless you for trying, hopefully some of it stuck. Prayers sent.

Rob

[stretch]

The best thing for those folks seems to be if they could go to the mountains and stay with avery strict, 'off the grid' relative for a year or two, where they didn't eat unless they grew or hunted or trapped it, didn't have clothes unless they made/repaired them, and generally had nothing to do but get in touch with the real world, and their real self.

Our society doesn't have such an option any longer, for the most part...

I'm told that there are some "Outward Bound" -type programs that do just
that sort of thing. If you want anything above a set of underwear - toothbrush,
food, pants, etc. - you've got to earn it. Those kinds of programs can work. When
I was younger they called that sort of thing "Basic Training". I dunno if that's an
option with his petty theft record, but it's certainly something to explore, and beats
couch-surfing all to heck.......

Best of luck to you all. The young fella certainly needs it.

-Stretch

[Pitchy]

Praying for all concerned.

[awp101]

Thanks all, I really hope this is a wake up call for him.

I think some people need to hit rock bottom before they can tell which way is up.

Bingo! BTDT and I also hope this is rock bottom for him because it can only get worse from here.

It went against every fiber in my body to allow someone like this into my home for an extended time. My hope (there's that word again and I'm reminded of the phrase "Hope is not a strategy") was that having some place stable and three people who were not only willing to back him but also wanted him to succeed would get his head right with ball. I didn't think a month would be long enough to undo it all but at least it would be a start. Maybe this two week stretch was enough to give him a taste of a normal home life and something to strive for but until he decides it's what he WANTS and is willing to work for it there's not much anyone else can do.

At this point the ball is in his court...

[C. Cash]

Prayers going up!

[Rube Burrows]

I pray that he gets it turned around also. I always hate to see that in a person.....it can easily happen to anyone's kids.

[Booger Bill]

I have a war story here. Imagine the movie "A cooler climate" with salley field. That movie could have been made about a close aquantance of mine. This woman even looked more like sally feild than salley feild. I was recently retired and single in california. At the same time my dad was liveing in wisconsin and getting bad with alzheimers. I ran into this girl that was from canada in a resturant in california. She had just totaled her car while trying to locate a rehab center near me. She was flat broke and needed a place to stay untill she could report there a week later. I had a 4 bedroom house, things worked out okay in that month or two so we made a deal when she got out. I thought God sent her. She had a job in a convelesent hospital in the past takeing care of alzheimers people. I went and got my dad. It went badley. My dad finaly wanted to go back home to wisconsin to a rest home there. This lady smashed a vehicle I had bought her, was lucky to live, and again got hooked on pain pills. By this time she was firmly entrenched in liveing with me. I hadnt the heart to throw her out as she was now very sick and no place to go. My dad died and I had to go back to wisconsin for the funneral. In that time she took a old class C motorhome I had because she blew the engine on her car, wanted to go to her drugger meetings, and sideswiped two neighbors cars!
I came home and had big trouble to straighten out! She now had liver cancer too! She died on me. It was a real shame. She tried hard to kick the habit, she kited pills somehow right under my nose! She was a very attractive sweet girl, but a druggie. We were together about two to three years. She must have cost me at least 50K in that time! And a LOT more in stress!

[Griff]

Prayers up. Been there, done that; both myself and watched others. As much as I hate to admit it, I was there at one time. Best help I got: USN. But, any branch will do what the Navy did for me. If the basics are in him, they will bring it back out.

The best thing for those folks seems to be if they could go to the mountains and stay with avery strict, 'off the grid' relative for a year or two, where they didn't eat unless they grew or hunted or trapped it, didn't have clothes unless they made/repaired them, and generally had nothing to do but get in touch with the real world, and their real self.
Our society doesn't have such an option any longer, for the most part...

I'm told that there are some "Outward Bound" -type programs that do just that sort of thing. If you want anything above a set of underwear - toothbrush, food, pants, etc. - you've got to earn it. Those kinds of programs can work. When
I was younger they called that sort of thing "Basic Training". I dunno if that's an option with his petty theft record, but it's certainly something to explore, and beats couch-surfing all to heck.......
Best of luck to you all. The young fella certainly needs it.
-Stretch

Ditto

[El Chivo]

He sounds like the kind of kid where in the past, the judge would give him the choice of jail or the military. Seems like the latter would snap him out of it, being a druggie has a lot to do with being lazy and selfish. If he gets some goals and some identity he might grow out of it.

I've also heard of "scared straight" programs where the kids visit a prison and the cons tell them what it's like.

Sounds like you need more than prayers, you need to do something.

[Dave B]

Prayer sent for all involved. I hope that he is able to turn his life around.

Dave B

[JReed]

Prayers up. Been there, done that; both myself and watched others. As much as I hate to admit it, I was there at one time. Best help I got: USN. But, any branch will do what the Navy did for me. If the basics are in him, they will bring it back out.

The best thing for those folks seems to be if they could go to the mountains and stay with avery strict, 'off the grid' relative for a year or two, where they didn't eat unless they grew or hunted or trapped it, didn't have clothes unless they made/repaired them, and generally had nothing to do but get in touch with the real world, and their real self.
Our society doesn't have such an option any longer, for the most part...

I'm told that there are some "Outward Bound" -type programs that do just that sort of thing. If you want anything above a set of underwear - toothbrush, food, pants, etc. - you've got to earn it. Those kinds of programs can work. When
I was younger they called that sort of thing "Basic Training". I dunno if that's an option with his petty theft record, but it's certainly something to explore, and beats couch-surfing all to heck.......
Best of luck to you all. The young fella certainly needs it.
-Stretch

Ditto

Unfortunately today's military is very picky. Criminal offenses and drugs are the number one ways to be disqualified.

At this point you are dealing with a drug not the young man he used to be. I pray that his rock bottom comes quick and doesn't cause him lasting harm.

[Ray Newman]

"He sounds like the kind of kid where in the past, the judge would give him the choice of jail or the military. Seems like the latter would snap him out of it...."
--El Chivo

I do not agree. Why should the US military take on a problem? Boot camp will not straighten him out. As my son, the former Drill Sgt at Ft. Jackson says, it is hard enough dealing will recruits who had no or little discipline while living at home, let alone more serious issues....

[tman]

You have a good heart for trying to help. Sadly, today's drug addicts either straighten out on their own or die trying. This sounds cruel and harsh, but it's been my experiences that it usually ends up that way. Lets send a prayer for him.

[JohndeFresno]

I have known many, many young ones with a drug problem - friends and former friends, a couple of relatives, many inmates and youngsters that I met in jails and on the streets.

The old saying is absolutely, undeniably true - once an addict, always an addict. But some are able to live somewhat normal lives, while keeping their demons in check. Of those who are overcomers, and who are still fighting the good fight, these steps have generally been taken:
1) Addict hits the bottom of the barrel before he/she truly listens to offers of help. Otherwise, they are fooling themselves - and you - if they claim the problem is under control.

2) Prayer by friends, family, those in the know - and the addict, if possible.

3) Relocation AWAY from the old neighborhood if humanly possible - permanently is best. Old "friends" are the worst thing in the world for an addict, whose mind, nervous system and chemistry is already imprinted with their association, linking "good times" with drug abuse within their circle of acquaintances. Like coffee to a cigarette smoker - the caffeine is a stimulant that evokes a strong desire for the drug.

4) Some program (as mentioned above) that physically, emotionally and mentally challenges them to succeed and gain an image of self worth.
Examples: Boot Camp for addicts, 12 Step programs, etc.

5) Continued prayer

6) If at all possible, association with some group of people who look to a higher authority than "self" - organized traditional religion has far and away the highest success rate in replacing addictive behavior with positive behavior.

Prayers up for the young addict, friends, helpers and family. It's good to have a good heart. It's also good to be wise.

[Canuck Bob]

Your a good man the world is a better place because of you. You need to be as tough as nails with this guy. He will know at some level it comes from love.

I recovered 23 years ago from an evil existence of drugs and booze, celebrate at a 12 step meeting this month. God's Grace is beyond human imagination. Human depravity is beyond decent peoples imagination.

Sorry to say this but it is proper advice from a one time low life, thank you Jesus. He lied to you, possess' drug gear, broke your rules. He will, or his friends will, cause you grief. People caught in that world and the grip of addiction can't help themselves, they have no control by definition. You are on the ground and need to assess him and his actions like a snake not a Christian, test everything, believe nothing unverifiable, eliminate all access to guns. He may not be as bad as I fear but it is a familiar story to me.

I worked for years as a men's addiction counsellor before returning to the oilpatch and still do my duty to help hardcore newcomers. People like me make a deal with Jesus you keep it. I'd run them off with serious intent if they stepped on my lawn within the first 12 months. They never meet my wife or children. They know my story and wouldn't bother there are easier pickings, usually thier mothers and caring people like yourself. I paid my mom back a thousand fold in love, pride for a decent sober son, and material stuff and it wasn't even a good start to what she deserved.

Here are my firm rules when rehab is not an option, no discussion and no debate. They really must learn immedieately to do what they are told by decent caregivers that feed them, its God's Will in my world.
-Get a job, its amazing how many jobs there are when the option is a healthy snack from a garbage can. Starts with going to bed at night and getting up in the morning.
-No booze, pot, drugs, crime, porn, period, no second chance, no tearful I'm sorry. Do the crime do the time, kick him out. Everything Good starts with abstinence.
-Go to a 12 step meeting at least 4 days a week. Often 12 step meetings are better than Church in the early days. Many are Born Again and never see a Church, God's mysterious ways and such. After all Jesus liked drunks, prostitutes, and street people quite a bit.

Some would say hitting bottom is God's Will for many to allow enough humility to be open for recovery. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone with my Spiritual Beliefs or hardcase advice. Its just that I'm over qualified to address this question from both directions!!! The lad is in my prayers as I write. PM if you wish I'd really be pleased to help if i can. I got a deal to keep.

[Poohgyrr]

You're doing the right thing. Gave him a chance but sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom before they wakeup; this may actually be a favor in the long run. And you have your family & home - can't risk that for this.

Definitely prayers for him, and any good friends & family.

God Bless

[olyinaz]

Very hard to read thread. Prayers up for the lad and those who care for him.

Oly

[Lobo]

Prayers sent......I've been helping a guy who's 40 with similar problems.

[Ysabel Kid]

Prayers up!

[awp101]

Once again, thanks to all for the thoughts, prayers and PMs.

After everything went south Thursday evening, I found out more. Let's just say had I known more of the story in the beginning, he wouldn't have set foot in the house to begin with. I didn't expect a month would get him totally straightened out but I hoped seeing a somewhat normal family life might give him something to strive for.

After he drug The Boy around for 3 hours Thursday night while he tried to find a place to crash (The Boy was his transportation), he was dropped off at his Mom's house. He was told he could not stay and I told The Boy to get home ASAP and let his buddy figure it out. Once he was home, we had a talk about being compassionate but there comes a time when you have to cut your losses. As the man in Cool Hand Luke said: "Some men, you just cain't reach." The Boy has had enough and pretty much ignores any calls from his friend since it's some "poor pitiful me" variation.

His mother dropped by tonight to get his phone charger. After swinging in the breeze since Thursday night with no place to stay, he's agreed to rehab. He's staying with his Dad tonight and his Grandmother is taking him in the morning to wherever it is he's going. I don't have a lot of confidence at this point because it sounds like he's only going to get everyone off his back.

Maybe he'll have his eyes opened, maybe not. Only time will tell.

[olyinaz]

Once again, thanks to all for the thoughts, prayers and PMs.

After everything went south Thursday evening, I found out more. Let's just say had I known more of the story in the beginning, he wouldn't have set foot in the house to begin with. I didn't expect a month would get him totally straightened out but I hoped seeing a somewhat normal family life might give him something to strive for.

After he drug The Boy around for 3 hours Thursday night while he tried to find a place to crash (The Boy was his transportation), he was dropped off at his Mom's house. He was told he could not stay and I told The Boy to get home ASAP and let his buddy figure it out. Once he was home, we had a talk about being compassionate but there comes a time when you have to cut your losses. As the man in Cool Hand Luke said: "Some men, you just cain't reach." The Boy has had enough and pretty much ignores any calls from his friend since it's some "poor pitiful me" variation.

His mother dropped by tonight to get his phone charger. After swinging in the breeze since Thursday night with no place to stay, he's agreed to rehab. He's staying with his Dad tonight and his Grandmother is taking him in the morning to wherever it is he's going. I don't have a lot of confidence at this point because it sounds like he's only going to get everyone off his back.

Maybe he'll have his eyes opened, maybe not. Only time will tell.

In the kid's mind rehab is worse than the dream life he's living. Until he can do the math it's a waste of time to help him and actually counter productive. Unfortunately the math often eludes these people right up to the point that they're dead...at which point they find themselves standing at the judgement seat and having to deal with some math.

It's an incredibly sad, sad thing, but it definitely says something about the sin nature of man.

Sorry for your troubles,
Oly

[.45colt]

Prayers Sent for All involved.

[Blaine]

You're a good man for caring. A fella has to hit bottom, and know it, before he'll break a destructive habit.... I know that from an ersewhile smoking habit, and once upon a time enjoying beer a little too much. The Evil Eye from my Daughter pretty much set me straight Those Women learn how to do that at an early age, don't they?

[2571]

He sounds like the kind of kid where in the past, the judge would give him the choice of jail or the military."

[/Q]I do not agree. Why should the US military take on a problem?

Yeah, let's turn the army that defends us from OBL's ilk into yet another drug rehab program.

I admire OP but I sigh every time I go into a house & see padlocks bedroom doors.

[bigbore442001]

[quote="awp101"]A friend of my youngest stepson needs help. He's almost 20 but we've known him since they were in Junior High and around the time of HS graduation he fell in with the wrong crowd.

His home life wasn't the best and he's been couch surfing the past few months. His family won't take him back due to petty theft to support a probable drug habit and he's doing his best to not have to contact his old friends for a crash pad as he's trying to leave that life. Of course being young and dumb, he won't do the obvious and go to rehab because "he doesn't have a problem".

A couple of weeks ago we agreed to take him in for a month (anything of value was locked up or on my person) as long as he followed three rules: no hanging out with the old crowd, no letting them know where he is staying and no drug use of any sort. Week one, he broke one and two by contacting his old gf to get a ride for a job search. Tonight my stepson found a small pipe of some sort when he moved his friend's pants.

When he was confronted he claimed it was an old one with K2 in it that he'd forgotten about from his old apartment. Maybe, maybe not but in talking to his family the past couple of weeks we found he can be very convincing. Strike three and he has nowhere to go AFAIK right now but he can't stay here anymore.

Right now my stepson is either taking him to the local PD to get him help or the local ER, I haven't heard which yet. Either way, they can provide the help we aren't trained to give. I hope a couple of weeks of stability has given him the chance to review his past choices and examine future possibilities but I'm afraid he's still stuck in that Egyptian River.


I am sorry to hear of this situation. I do pray that he attains the goals of recovery and sobriety. It is a tough course to take with a young person.You have to be very concrete with this young man. Basically he has the emotional age of whatever time he started using drugs. So if he started at the age of 16 or 17 then you are dealing with someone with the emotional mentality of a 17 year old in the body of an adult. fact that he is using K2 is someone disconcerning. That is a really nasty drug. It can cause hallucinations and seizures. You are really playing Russian Roulette with this drug.

Many people here have made some statements that are very good and offered some wonderful advice. I work at a rehab for adolescent males. In the years working here I have learned a few things. The road to recovery is very difficult for one and most will relapse. The success rate for teenagers is probably around 10 percent. The biggest issue I see is that we will get a young man in our care and they tend to do well for their stay but when they return home they have a propensity to hang out with the same old friends. If this young man can avoid old friends and old hang outs he can solve a huge problem.

The next step is to do an assessment as to what are his triggers to want to use a drug.After going through this self assessment he needs to work out a plan on how to deal with the things that trigger his habits. One thing that I have learned is that those programs which use a twelve step approach seem to have the best success. Another factor that is a key component is spirituality. The belief in God or a higher power is there.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me. I may be able to give some advice.

[kmittleman]

Prayers sent! This kind of stuff isn't easy. Hopefully he will turn away from that stuff and towards Christ. People generally can't get out of these things on their own. I hope things will change for the better soon.

-Kevin